Dear Liam and Kings,
May I call you Liam and Kings? My name’s Sarah Walker and I would like to say something. First, Liam. Although I am not a huge Oasis fan, my friend Mike is a super fan, and I have witnessed him become best friends with people who he would otherwise despise purely through a shared love of Oasis. It’s called the “Oasis Connection” and it’s real.
Kings, I enjoy your music. Even though sometimes your songs sound the same to me. Sort of like this: Ra ra ra ra ra ra raaaaaa. And your video for “Use Somebody” reminds me a lot of Poison’s “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” In fact, let’s compare them now:
My point, Liam and Kings, is that you are great musicians who are very good at what you do. You’ve got the adoring fans, sold out stadium shows and a ton of money. So much money. So why. Why, I ask you, are designing overpriced clothing? When I say overpriced I mean that Liam, your line, Pretty Green, sells cotton t-shirts for $90.
Meanwhile, Kings, your clothing line, KOLxS2A, sells such hard to find items as a red bandana for 65 pounds. POUNDS! That’s like a gazillion times for expensive than dollars!
Now I can hear you now, Liam and Kings. You’re saying that all designer clothing is over-priced. You’re probably all swearing at me right now. And to be honest, I’m sort of frightened of all of you.
But guys. These are cotton t-shirts, sorry, Egyptian cotton t-shirts, and red bandanas that you can find in your local Army Navy store we’re talking about. And this isn’t your only source of income-remember those super successful bands you’re in? This is a pet project to take advantage of your huge fan base who already shells out hundreds of dollars to see you play live. Maybe that’s cynical. And I’m sorry for that. Kings, maybe you wanted to design red bandanas and skinny black jeans ever since you were growing up in Tennessee. Maybe as a young lad in Manchester, Liam, you always wanted to design Fred Perry-esque polos. I know those are very popular in En-ga-land.
It’s just that it would be INFINITELY cooler of you guys to price these clothes according to what they are. To be men of the people. My friend Mike can’t afford all the Pretty Green he wants and that makes him sad. Let us get closer to you. Just, like, please stop being elitist dicks. Because, even though I know that’s not where you came from, that’s what you’re doing.
Sincerely,
Sarah
