Just a quick piece of advice to the former child stars, obscure character actors, and long-forgotten nuggets of nostalgia floating around in the obscure-celebrity ether: DO NOT DIE TODAY.
If you die today, April 1st of 2010 A.D., the internet will never frickin’ believe you, and any family member of yours or news outlet that attempts to break the tragic news of your death will only be mocked by bloggers who aren’t gullible enough to fall for that crap. Even if you have video of the celebrity hooked up to a flatlined heart monitor next to a grieving widow holding up today’s New York Times cover, we’re not even gonna give it one second of thought until April 2nd.
So if you’re planning to OD, or suffocate while asphyxiating yourself, or just die in some other spastic or unbelievable fashion, even though I know that’s your job, PLEASE wait til tomorrow to make it happen, or at least to let the news out. If you die today, it’s only gonna make things awkward for both of us tomorrow when your grieving mother finds our April 1st post called “FAAAAKE: Nice try, Kimmy Gibbler, but we ain’t fallin’ for that crap!”
Deal? Deal.
