When you hear the name Adam Lambert, plenty of words come to mind. Glamorous. Larger than life. Talent explosion. Cod piece. But perhaps one word that has never been previously associated with Lambert is “Unplugged.” In fact, if there’s one thing the guy is, it’s “Plugged.”
So when our boss broke the news that Adam would be the first of many musicians to headline the resurrection of VH1′s Unplugged series, mere days before the actual taping, and that I would be the only member of the press allowed past the rhinestoned curtain, well… looks like someone unplugged my enthusiasm for life and living and simply being.
The taping was on a Saturday afternoon, which means (for those historians of you out there) that it directly followed what experts refer to as “Fun Drinky Drunk Times on a Friday Night.” And not just for me, it seems, but for Lambert as well, who joined up with former Idol allies Kris Allen and Allison Iraheta for a very special Rock This Town concert mere hours before his Unplugged taping. It seems the only people not out the night before getting trashed in the privacy of someone else’s bar were the 40 or so fresh faces waiting in line outside of the studio, whose faces beamed like little glow worms waiting to meet their glowy lord and savior.
Slowly but surely, these super fans were filed into the studio, filling up the 3 exclusive rows of seats roughly 4 inches away from the microphone that would soon be on the receiving end of a vocal ecstasy tablet. And, much to my surprise, the production assistant who was seating people grabbed me and placed me right smack dab in the second row, aisle seat. “Well,” I thought, “this should be interesting.”
Check out Lambert’s “Unplugged” performance and an exclusive BWE.tv interview with the man, the legend… ahead!
And I have to hand it to you, “Most Serious Fans,” you are really not joking around about your obsession. Take this fan seated next to me, who relayed a story about her first time laying eyes on Lambert:
Audience Girl 1: Being here is not healthy for my medical condition. I’m not kidding. The first time I saw Adam, I passed out on the floor.
Me: You didn’t really!
Audience Girl 1: No, I did! At the American Idol concert. He took his shirt off. Like, he had a vest on, and he ripped it off. And I’m like “Oh my God!” and I just FELL OVER! You have no idea the level of love!
Me: Am I gonna have to get the smelling salts? Are you gonna get the vapors when he comes out here?
Audience Girl 1: I literally have a very serious obsession with him. My dad’s a teamster, so I’ve been meeting celebrities since I’m 4. Never phases me. Adam Lambert, I wanna drop dead.
Me: I wish I had the power to just make people drop dead on command like that.
It was here another audience member, Jessica Fletcher, chimed in:
Audience Girl 2: I think I was actually quiet the first time I ever saw him. I couldn’t breathe, I was in awe!
Me: Were you also at the concert?
Audience Girl 2: I’ve been to nine of them.
Me: You went to nine of them?!!
Audience Girl 2:YEAH!
Me: Oh, this is a separate thing… tell me everything.
Audience Girl 2:I’ve been doing the American Idol tour thing for years.
Me: Oh, so you’ve been to nine different seasons of concerts?
Audience Girl 2: No. I went to nine over the summer.
Me: What?! That’s what you should be majoring in… American idol concerts.
I’m a fan of Adam’s, but amongst this small group, I was in a different league. These were people who ate, slept, and drank Lambert, among other things we’d rather not think about. Before the taping began, I decided to swap places with one of the fans standing in the back, secretly, I think, in case the girl seated beside me actually did drop dead during the taping. If there’s one thing I don’t need, it’s glitter-infused blood on my hands.
But enough small talk. A hush fell over the crowd as Adam’s band settled into place — including Tommy Joe Ratliff (the famous face that you’ve probably seen making out with Adam’s on national television), Monte Pittman on guitar, Longineu W. Parsons III (“LP”) on drums, and Zac Baird on piano. And maybe it was through my blurred hangover-o-vision, but I couldn’t help but notice that Tommy looks a lot like Adam, just more petite. BAND NAMES. And then, it was time.
Adam arrived.
Dressed in signature Adamalia: Black shiny pants, fingerless gloves, and a rhinestoned feather around his neck (from Alexander McQueen, who had passed away only two days prior). And thanks to the grace of God, my little friend from the audience did not, in fact, drop dead on the spot. In fact, it seemed the entire audience was frozen with awe. (Aw?) But Lambert was the picture of ease. Before breaking out into his first number, he joked about the relaxed, low key setting. Here is the first song from VH1 Unplugged: Adam Lambert, “Music Again”:
Between takes, Adam made sure we knew he had been out late the night before with his former Idol compatriots… drankin. He called the taping “the bloody mary” of concerts, while sipping tea every so calmly to warn his v-chords up. Next, Adam launched into the song that, in my opinion, launched his star… “Mad World”:
Another amazing performance, another deserved tea break. Only, right before launching into a beautiful acoustic version of “Whataya Want From Me,” Adam went ahead and invented our new favorite stage effect, which I have dubbed a “Homeless Fog Machine,” because, as we learned from the man himself, a real fog machine wasn’t in the budget:
Had I known, I clearly would have quit my job to MAKE budget room for a real fog machine. I’d be the OsKar Schindler of cheesy stage smoke effects.
One of my favorite songs on “For Your Entertainment” has long been “Broken Open,” a Kevin Spacey moonwalk to Uranus and back, a soft, slow, moonjam of sensuality and desire. VH1 Unplugged marks the first time Adam has performed this song live. Get your planetary profos out:
Adam had one last song left to entertain us with. And while I was expecting him to go the way of “Fever” or “Strut,” or, in my fantasies, “Pick U Up,” he instead went the way of bonus track “Down the Rabbit Hole.” It’s a song, Adam explained, inspired by Burning Man and Lewis Carroll… which is a gentlemanly way of saying he was inspired by Life’s Seductive Delights. This Unplugged version of DTRH got everyone, even the stiffest of Lambert fans, moving in their seats.
In fact, even the security guard hired to protect our beloved singer momentarily forgot what, exactly, he was there to do, as I caught him mouthing the chorus and dancing towards the end. After the show, I stopped this giant man by the door to find out if he was the unlikeliest of fans. “It really caught me off guard. I didn’t think it was gonna be that good! My wife is a fan, but I didn’t know his stuff. I like it!” Seeing this hulky fellow admit to loving Lambert proves that glamorous ambisexual poppy party techno knows no bounds.
Put your best navy blazer on, grab your nightstick, and save yourself the $10 spent on a ticket to Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland by enjoying this instead:
Amazing show, right? Right. As the audience filed out of the studio, they looked in serious need of a post-concert cigg. Their hair a little mussed, their eyes, a faraway gaze. Shirt buttoned crookedly. You get the idea.
After the show, I was able to grab a few minutes with Lambert, in an interview I like to call “Two Hungover People Making Conversation”:
Michelle: First of all, how are you? How are you even alive? How are you moving?
Adam: You know what, um, I don’t know how. Sometimes I’m like “Wow!” I don’t know… It’s just all about me!
Michelle: You’re laughing, but that is the dream.
Adam: It’s true!
Michelle: I love the honesty.
Adam: It’s a little narcissistic, but yeah!
Michelle: I like how we’re both really toned down right now. Are you going out tonight?
Adam: I mean, I want to, but I’m like: UGH.
Michelle: What was it like performing with Kris and Allison again?
Adam: It was fun! It was really good to see them. I mean, we have a very special little bond, the three of us, because we were the three from my group that made it through. You know there were three groups of twelve or something. So we were the first three that made it through. We did our first press junket together.
Michelle: That’s so funny. So I have questions I want to ask. I wanna see how you’re feeling, what’s happening, how’s LA. I love it there. Thinking of moving actually.
Adam: Really?
Michelle: Yeah. I’m sick of New York.
Adam: You need a break from here.
Michelle: I can’t take this anymore. I feel like a rat. Every time I leave my apartment I feel like a rat in a pair of pants. Like a rat tranny.
Adam: But, I mean, do you have people out there that you know?
Michelle: A lot. My best friend…
Adam: Good!
Michelle: Don’t freak out, I would never call you if I move out there. (laughter) I’m like “Sooo I’m moving there and I know you got a lazyboy that I can sleep on.”
While we chat, some roadies breaking down the set start making a passive-aggressive racket directly behind us.
Michelle: Does he want me to help him, or something? I’ll shlep it wherever he wants…
Adam: I NEED A HAND. (We eye this man.) He looks like he’s from Fiddler on the Roof.
Michelle: He makes me feel like the fat daughter in Fiddler on the Roof. Do me a favor, cut some of your hair off and let’s make curly sideburns for him… what are they called? My mother is going to kill me.
Adam: Peyos! I call them hummus…like hummus and pita.
Michelle: (laughing) If you put hummus on those sideburns, I would go out with that man.
Adam: “Hi, you’re sexy!”
Michelle: Like get some pita and stroke his face. “What is that? Chickpeas? Delicious.” I’m addicted to hummus.
Adam: Same! I get really gassy from it though.
Michelle: What is that from?
Adam: I don’t know! It’s indigestion.
Michelle: Look, if I don’t drink coffee every morning…
Adam: I know, you’re not regular?
Michelle: I’m not regular, and then a week later it’s like navy rope coming out of me.
Adam: (laughing)
Michelle: I eat a Fiber One bar, I have to work from home. I don’t know when its gonna strike! I’m not even making this up.*
Adam: Metamucil!
Michelle: Metamuciesss.
While I could easily discuss bathroom schedules for the next seven or so days, I veer the conversation into a new direction to save face.
Michelle: What’s your drink of choice?
Adam: Ummm I like vodka, but with a twist. I don’t like olives! But lately I’ve been drinking a lot of tequila. And, umm, a lot of whiskey. There’s this whiskey… Do you know honey turkey?
Michelle: Mmhmm, hummus sideburns with honey turkey.
Adam: They add honey to the whiskey!
Michelle: No.
Adam: Yeah, so it’s like whiskey with honey in it.
Michelle: Is it hot or chilled?
Adam: No, it’s chilled! But it is really good. You don’t realize you’re drinking it because it’s so good.
Michelle: And it’s sweet? Like you don’t get the after taste?
Adam: No!
Michelle: Okay, I haven’t asked my serious questions. What are you doing for Fashion Week?
Adam: I’m going to the Marc Jacobs show.
Michelle: Are you excited for fashion people?
Adam: I don’t know if I like fashion people, but I like fashion.
Michelle: Yes, you do like fashion.
Adam: I love fashion. I don’t know enough about fashion people to know if I like them.
This is what I like to refer to as the “Ass Kissing” portion of our interview:
Michelle: So, my gay best friend — you would love — He never really listened to your music and would always kind of make fun of me cause I’m like “Adam, I love him!” Well he finally downloaded your album and he is absolutely addicted. Addicted. And now I get the last laugh because I knew it was amazing! (Ed. Note: Rereading this little tale, can’t believe how shameless I am.)
Adam: Aw! Thank you!
Michelle: This [Unplugged] show was fantastic. You should have seen the security guard. The guard was all serious before the show – “No phones! No cameras!” Meanwhile, I turn to him while you’re singing and he’s lipsyncing to you, jamming along. I look up, the guy is having the best time. I asked him if he liked the show, and he was like “Yeah, you know, I didn’t know what it was going to be, but it was REALLY good!”
Adam: That’s sweet.
Michelle: So, I missed last night, but how was it?
Adam: It was crazy. It got wild!
Michelle: Was it? How long did it last?
Adam: 45 minutes.
Michelle: Oh, that’s pretty short. Was Ryan [Seacrest] there?
Adam: No.
Michelle: Whatever!
Adam: Whatever. I want nothing to do with Ryan. (He was kidding. We think.) (No, he was.)
And that was it. Adam and I shared our hugs as he fled the studio with the band. And thus, VH1 Unplugged: Adam Lambert was a wrap.
Stay tuned for upcoming Unplugged performances, including Phoenix (for MTV), The Script (for VH1) and Reba McEntire (for CMT).
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*I am so, so sorry.
