The Hollywood Cookie Diet Will Give You Bangable, Rock-Hard Santa Abs

Any product that gives me rock-hard abs so that offscreen voiceover woman will f*ck me, and also I’m Santa, is a product for me.

This commercial is already the odds-on favorite for the Best Film Editing Oscar / Lifetime Achievement Award:

(For the record, the Youtube says ’2006′ — shame on all you people for not making sure I saw this the millisecond it came out. If it happens again, I’ll crush you with my abs.)