American Idol’s “Rock And Roll” week — and Danny Gokey’s screamy “Dream On” rendition in particular — again forces us to ask ourselves the question: Does the term “rock and roll” even mean anything anymore? Rather than spin off on some crotchety, long-winded argument about “these daggum kids these days,” I’ve instead compiled the following list of songs from every era that egregiously misuse the word “Rock,” proving that the term hasn’t declined since its inception, it’s just been used stupidly a bunch of times.
Without further ado, our list of 20 Songs With Rock In The Title That Do Not, In Fact, Rock:
20. Falco – Rock Me Amadeus
Not nearly as rocking as the Dr. Zaius version.
19. Rod Stewart – Rocks
The previous sentence, as evidenced by the following clip, is untrue.
18. Huey Lewis And The News – The Heart Of Rock & Roll
Replicating a heart sound effect by singing “dit dit dit dit” (3:05) constitutes an immediate forfeiture of rockness.
17. Shenandoah – Rock My Baby
By “rock my baby” he means “have really lame sex with her in an alternatingly teal and purple bed.”
16. Bobby Day – Rockin’ Robin
I will admit, though, this animation does rock a little.
15. B-52s – Rock Lobster
Nothing wrong with some new-wave insanity, but certainly not rocking. Every time I listen to this song, it sounds more like a Weird Al version of itself.
Link: 
14. Bill Haley – Rock Around The Clock
Classic song, but you can’t really “rock” if a group of five-year-old girls is standing two feet away, boogieing along. Unless you’re Pete Townshend.
13. Travis – All I Want To Do Is Rock
It doesn’t take much rocking to make cars in England explode.
12. Afrika Bambaataa – Planet Rock
They don’t have any guitars on Planet Rock, it was actually just named after its coincidental discoverer, George H. Rock III.
11. Janet Jackson – Rock With U
“Dance With U In Bizarre Euro-chic Underground Gay Dance Salon” wasn’t as catchy.
10. Lionrock – Rude Boy Rock
“Rock” in the band name and song name = double untruth.
9. Michael Damien – Rock On
A less-rocking version of the 1973 David Essex hit, upstaged by…
8. Def Leppard – Rock On
…an even LESS rocking version, from 2006 (?)
7. Bobby Helms – Jingle Bell Rock
Did we say “Rock?” We meant “Song.”
6. Aretha Franklin – Rock-A-Lott
All seminal 60s/70s artists get a free pass for anything they may have done in the 80s, Rodney Dangerfield video cameo included.
5. Aaron Tippin – Ready To Rock In A Country Kind Of Way
Hey check out that airplane guy!!! YEEEAAAAAH!!!
4. Paul Kantner – The Planet Earth Rock And Roll Orchestra
The Jefferson Airplane alum suffers from a rare condition that makes you age from a counterculture icon in your twenties into a prog-loving high school outcast in your forties.
3. John Tesh – Roundball Rock
Catchy-ass theme, no arguments there, but what an amazing title.
2. Herbie Hancock – Rockit
See: Rock-A-Lott.
1. Billy Joel – It’s Still Rock And Roll To Me
1:20 = The precise moment the term “Rock & Roll” was removed from the Oxford English Dictionary.
Others we’re missing? Throw ‘em in the comments.
