The soap opera Guiding Light has not been renewed for the 2009-2010 season, bringing an end to the monumental 57-year run of the program that started out as a 15-minute radio serial before evolving ultimately into an hour-long, five-days-a-week daytime program.
To honor this show’s remarkable achievement in longevity, please enjoy this a brief transcript of the first Guiding Light episode ever, which aired on the radio on January 25, 1937:
SNIDELY McDAGGER: Finally, old man…now that I’ve forced your daughter Wendy to sign my marriage contract, your bauxite mine will soon belong to MEEEEE!!!!
MR. MILLER: You’ll never get away with this, McDagger!
SNIDELY McDAGGER: Balderdash! At midnight I shall be the richest man in all of Akron!
WENDY MILLER: I dare say, good sirs, I have a confession to make!
SNIDELY McDAGGER: Then cease to be such a Silent Samuel and begin speaking!
WENDY MILLER: Father, I must confess…at Postmaster Harrison’s garden party several fortnights passed, the young accounting man John Whitmore and I did indeed…hold one another’s hands.
MR. MILLER: Scandalous w–
WENDY MILLER: Before you complete the phrase ’scandalous wench’ – John and I immediately felt so guilty about giving in to such temptations, we…were married later that night. Don’t you understand? It means Snidely’s contract is invalid!
MR. MILLER: Wendy, it is illegal for women to speak the word ‘invalid,’ but otherwise, that is tremendous news!
SNIDELY McDAGGER: Enough of this haldoozery! It’s a pity no one shall ever hear of your little wives’ tale…
WENDY MILLER: NOOOO DOOOON’T!!!
[THUNDER CRASH SOUND EFFECT - GLASS BREAKING]
SNIDELY McDAGGER: Oh no!!! The Crimson Mantis!
CRIMSON MANTIS: That’s right, McDagger – you just bought yourself a one-way ticket to Jail County! And I don’t mean that place we renamed ‘New Jersey’ a year ago.
SNIDELY McDAGGER: My plan!!!!!!!!
CRIMSON MANTIS: The only plan you have now is the plan to go to jail!
MR. MILLER: The day is saved again thanks to the Crimson Mantis!
WENDY MILLER: Wait til I tell John about this!
CRIMSON MANTIS: Oh, I have a feeling John is around here somewhere…. [FIVE SECOND SILENCE] Um…I’m winking right now. For the listeners at home, I’m winking. Because I’m John. I’m winking as if to say, “I’m actually John, everyone!” Make sense? Anyway. Somewhere…….
Tune in next week for another thrilling episode of Guiding Light to take your mind off the Dust Bowl for another glorious quarter of an hour! Brought to you by Dr. Vet Vegimen’s Detoxifying Lima Bean Juice – Remember to “Bean your body right” with Vegimen’s! Good night folks!
