- TO THINE OWN FACE BE OBVIOUS: A new portrait of William Shakespeare was revealed today after 399 years, proving that Shakespeare looked even more like we thought he did than we thought he did. (NY Times)
- LESS SEXY TAXICAB CONFESSIONS: Tom Cruise makes Katie Holmes give him written confessions every week. Her confession usually consists of the line, “I deal with a husband who makes me write this crap every week because it makes me a lot more famous.” (Celebitchy)
- K. F. C. (TO THE TUNE OF “COME TO ME”): The only thing more pointless that watching Diddy decide which chicken is better, KFC or Popeye’s is watching him ponder the question for three minutes and still not come up with an answer. (BuzzFeed)
- UNCIVIL WAR: After 22 years, General Motors will no longer fund Ken Burns’ documentaries. Looks like he’ll have to find independent financing for his next PBS special, “A History of Backstabbing Car Company A-Holes.” (Variety)
- MAN OUT OF TIME-BERLAKE: And finally, Justin Timberlake turned into Elvis Costello. Cool. (People)
