The juicy details just keep rolling in on Tigergate (I call it that because Richard Nixon once had a scandal at the Watergate Hotel, and Tiger Woods’ name is Tiger), and if they continue getting juicier and juicier, we’ll soon be watching a literal 90s Gushers commercial.
First, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger’s alleged mistress, has hired harassment attorney Gloria Allred. Has Tiger also been sleeping with Gloria Allred? We cannot confirm or deny at this juncture, but if we had to wildly speculate to maintain interest in the story, we’d say they had several threesomes.
TMZ, who’s been all over this story like stink on a stinky newspaper article about the Tiger Woods crash that’s also on top of Tiger Woods now reports that an eyewitness reported that Tiger was driving without shoes, which is illegal in Florida. Where were his shoes? Was he f***ing them, then his wife got pissed and kicked him out? Again, at this point, everything is just speculation, but we speculate “definitely.”
But Radar Online has come up huge with the breakthrough, EXCLUSIVE story of the day that’s gonna turn this whole story on its head, like Tiger Woods was after he crashed:
Tiger told his wife that SHE RUINED THANKSGIVING!!!!
Is Elin Nordegren secretly a Grinchlike character, who sabotages holidays by stealing all the presents in a big sack and also she’s green and furry and her heart is too small? Or did Tiger insist on f***ing the turkey and Elin was like “You shouldn’t do that” and he was like “YOU RUINED THANKSGIVING I’M OUT OF HERE!”
If we were forced to speculate, and again, we cannot confirm these rumors at this point, we would have to guess that of course that’s what happened. Both things that I made up happened, I mean. Also all the above stuff.
More updates to come. And hopefully some pictures of him doing those shoes.
