Sometimes, writers of pun headlines don’t have much to say about a particular story, so they’re forced to resort to using nonexistent vague insult words like “frillies” and Photoshopping baseball players in cheerleader outfits.

Sometimes, though, the pun headlines write themselves. Like, literally write themselves. The headlines come to life, sprout hands, and physically write themselves, like that M.C. Escher painting with the hands.

Such as, for example, when the quarterback of a team called the Notre Dame Fightin’ Irish gets punched by an angry fan in a bar.

Let’s talk this through. A player. For a team whose name includes the participle “fighting” in it. Was punched. By a fan of the team whose name includes the participle “fighting” in it. Because he was mad about how badly the team whose name includes the participle “fighting” in it was playing football. Punched. In an alcohol-serving establishment. Fighting. Irish. Words. Stuff. Things.

Is it possible to write a headline about this occurrence that doesn’t sound like a joke? Wonder if someone has the guts to step up and just write “PLAYER INVOLVED IN ALTERCATION”…