THERE ARE NO SPOILERS IN THIS POST. PROMISE.
The pain of having to wait a couple of week’s for a brand new episode of Glee while hordes of people who spit on the ground Glee walks on — namely, baseball fans — reveled in their playoff glory. Wednesday nights were filled with fanciful, rhythmic pacing, back and forth down a rhinestoned runway, thumbs twiddling betwixt our fingerless leather gloves. For fans of musical theater and/or steaming giant blocks of cheese, it was a painfully long hiatus. But tonight, folks, GLEE IS BACK. And believe it or not, it is better. than. ever.
How do we know? Fox was kind enough to send over a needle-full of heroin — sorry, we meant, the new episode screener for “Wheels” — which was carried over to my DVD player like the newborn baby in Children of Men. It was one of the few times I watched an episode of Glee without having seen any of the preview clips, and after all is said and done, I’m happy I didn’t. The element of surprise really adds to the overall enjoyment, and in the future, I will be chaining up my arms and legs before clicking play for any of their preview songs.
If the title is any (and every) indication, it is the first episode of the season to focus on one of the backgroundish characters. Namely, Artie and his Wheelchair. But “Wheels” is about so much more. In fact, it might be the first episode ever where various storylines weave between each other with ease, where more than just a small handful of the people we love get their fair shake of screentime. We spend time with Kurt and his father, a mechanic who used to host the show Nickelodeon “Guts.” Quinn‘s baby storyline is advanced in a very satisfying way, replete with plenty of gratuitous Puck moments. And Will and Sue go through their usual motions, this time, with a twist. Even Principal Figgins gets his moment in the sun. And while there aren’t too many musical numbers, the ones we are given are glorious (including the finale, which is so cute as to be almost Japanese.) And the best part?
MR. SCHUESTER DOESN’T RAP. Not once. Not for a second. Did the petition work?
The episode was only 43 minutes long, but felt more like a Glee feature film. And, yes, there are moments in it that are super cheesy cheese from space, and things that would never, ever happen in real life, but isn’t that the reason we tune in? To laugh, to cringe, and — in the case of this episode — to cry? Don’t believe me now, but tonight, when you cry, remember to also think “Michelle told you so.”
If you have never seen Glee, and want to know what the fuss is about, watch tonight’s episode. And when it ends, if you still feel like it’s not for you, a. reevaluate your life and b. there’s nothing else we can really do for you. Watch those DVR’d episodes of “The Globe Succession” or whatever it’s called.
And if you’re already a fan… well, then, there is really no need to encourage you, is there?
