Will Smith, I know you’re pissed about not winning Oscars for Ali or Pursuit of Happyness, but please, PLEASE do not do the Oscar equivalent of strapping dynamite to yourself and threatening to blow yourself up if the Academy doesn’t bend to your will and finally toss you a golden statue.

Don’t do it, Will. You’re better than that. PLEASE don’t star as a mentally retarded person in an Oscar-baiting film. Will, please… what are you… No… NOOOO….

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

According to our inside source, The Hollywood Cog, Smith is set to produce and star in Flowers for Algernon, a modern-day adaptation of the Daniel Keyes’ novel.

The short story (and the subsequent novel) is about Charlie, a mentally retarded man who is the first human test subject for an experimental surgery that artificially increases intelligence…

Flowers For Algernon, if you somehow made it through high school with your eyes closed and fingers in your ears the entire time, is an excellent short story from the 50s that was adapted into a mediocre novel in the 60s and subsequent 1968 film that already won Cliff Robertson a Best Actor Oscar.

I’m being nothing but serious, Will Smith, when I say: NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU PLAY A MENTALLY HANDICAPPED PERSON. It’s been a cliched Oscar joke for two decades, an earlier film adaptation already won a damn Oscar, and you’re Will freaking Smith and hearing you talk like a mentally retarded person is going to make us all laugh really, really, really hard.

Wait a minute, now I’m picturing it. And laughing out loud. Oh man, this is a sweet mental trailer-picture. “Wewcome 2 Ewth!!!” Hehehe… On second thought…

GO FOR IT WILL!!!! Slur those words, be confused by simple concepts but understand love and GET THAT ELUSIVE OSCAR!!!!