We couldn’t afford to bring in an actual ad agency to come up with our new Jeep campaign, so I just gave a shiny quarter to Billy Schroeder, the winner of Mr. Parham’s 7th grade poetry contest, to read his poem “Clocks” overtop some footage of clocks. What does this have to do with Jeep, you ask? Heh…what DOESN’T it?

[Board room of executives applauds, too afraid to admit that they have no f*cking clue what this commercial is about or how it ties in to Jeep in even the slightest bit]

I’m also handing out a full transcript of Billy’s poem, so you can bask in its incredibly not-vague, definitely having to do with Jeeps glow:

Clocks Jeep

Knowing that every day
I have a choice to make.

Between watching the clock
And occassionally
My back

Or I can greedily,
Rightfully
Seize every ticking moment

And never
give one of them back.

I live
I ride
I am
Jeep.

[Board room applauds. Auto industry collapses again.]