My only excitement about the Yankees’ return to the World Series (other than the potential immediate A-Rod backstabbing that’ll occur again if they lose) is that for one glorious week, the New York Post will have an entire nation of eyes on it demanding the most sensational, judgmental, painful pun headlines that names of players combined with scornful or praising vocabulary can possibly create.
Because they’re the Post, however, they decided not to even wait until the Series began to start slinging confusing puns and random insults. Here’s today’s extremely news-based headline:
Seriously? “Frillies?” Is this Mad Magazine? I can’t wait to read about Chase Buttley, Clod Hamels and Jimmy Rollinschmuck.
The article itself is even more amazing. Check out these angry, newsworthy quotes from random New Yorkers (the Post gets so many big scoops they should change their name to the New York Scoop):
“Philly fans are a bunch of whiners and should learn how to dress. They should try reading GQ.”
They are whiners! Take it from the city that prides itself in bashing its stars until they win a championship, even though the Yankees probably would’ve missed the playoffs without A-Rod’s 54 homers in 2007 then threw him under the bus after they lost a four-game series even though Derek Jeter was also on the team and went 3-for-17 and has been on the team for their last 9 years of not winning a title and I’m not gonna go on cause I could write a novel about this. But man are Philly fans whiners!
Moving on:
“You can’t go to a game without getting booze thrown at you!”
Totally! Remember when Philly fans threw that beer at an outfielder trying to make a catch this year?? Oh wait, no, that happened to a Phillies player at tradition-having, family-oriented Wrigley Field. Still, a great point.
Even Benjamin Franklin, Philly’s patron saint, has been described as “the father of all the Yankees.”
Snap! Just remember that during these games of baseball!
As far as sports go, sure, the Phillies have won two World Series championships compared with the Yankees’ 26, but far sadder is that no one from Philly cares much.
So true! No one in Philly roots for the Phillies. I’m really sick of seeing these Phillies playoff games at their completely empty ballpark with cricket noises occasionally interrupted by three old dudes in the outfield booing while eating cheesesteaks. Wait, we’ve come this far and no one’s done the required rip on the cheesesteak?
“The big meal there is a steak with cheese and onions on a hero, but they don’t even call it a hero. It’s a hoagie. What the hell is a hoagie?” said Ron Montclane, 26.
Dumbass Philly people and their having words for things. Their words should be more like New York words! Also, how come the entire rest of the country says “standing in line” instead of “standing on line”?? What a bunch of non-GQ-reading A-holes.
Conclusion: The Yankees are better. Point made.
