When Simon Cowell isn’t in America slithering his oily tentacles up the fitted button downs of Ryan Seacrest and ruining dreams, he spends his time overseas in his native England, impersonating a human sharpei and, as expected, ruining dreams. As a judge on X Factor, our beloved Cowell is once again forced to sit through hundreds of hours of talent(-less to -ed) hopefuls hoping to please their fickle master.
And this is all part of the fun, watching Cowell have to suffer through some of the world’s worst acts. He has his talent of looking absolutely miserable into a multi-million dollar industry.
That being said, what follows is one of the few times Cowell has a genuine right to be pissed. On the English talent show X Factor (which Cowell created), identical twin brothers John and Edward delighted the audience to a rendition of Britney Spears’ semenal (not a spelling error) hit “Oops I Did It Again.” They roll out onto the stage in red patent leather business suits, looking like the cover of some sort of Romanian gay porn classic. And then they sing.
And it is glorious. In that it’s the worst f**king thing to ever be aired on live television. It’s actually so bad that we want them to win the entire thing. And they’re not just bad singers… they’re even worse actors! As you will note during their “But I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean at the end” routine.
We’ll tell you this: If the boat didn’t kill that decrepit woman with the surprisingly well-manicured toenails, this performance surely did. Cowell calls it the “worst live performance he’s ever sat through.” If that doesn’t get you to watch it, we’re afraid to tell you your soul has died. Click the pic to watch.
(Side Note: Why doesn’t American Idol have these kind of production values?)
