We open with a dinosaur fight between Sue and Mr. Schuester, which could also sub as a slightly gayer trailer for the movie 300. This episode immediately grabs us as we get an at-the-top appearance by Principal Figgins, who asks that these two equally sized blond warriors try to make it wurque as co-directors of the Glee Club. We then discover Sues plan: To pit the minority students against the Y-T’s and hope that the environment borderlines on the L.A. Riots of ’92. She separates the yolks from the whites in preparation for the upcoming sectionals tourney, while simultaneously almost vomming down Will’s back. Drumming, drumming:
Question: Does Quinn always have to be seen in the cheerleading uniform? Even when she’s getting sonogram goo slathered on her? Hopefully she’s got about a dozen of those things Batman-style, lest she start to take on the scent commonly known as “Orlando’s Mickey Mouse on a Summer’s Day”, i.e. the capital of body-odor town. Quinn & Finn (2 more rhyming character names, natch) are having a girl.
Jewfro Woody Allen impersonator “Don’t Even Know His Name Reporter Guy” threatens to write an article about Quinn’s baby lest Rachel do something in exchange. I really, really hate that guy.
Kurt‘s a mouthbreather. Sue gathers her personal rainbow coalition to get the Color Warz started. “Santana! Wheels! Gay Kid! Asian! OtherAsian! Aretha! and Shaft.” — Quote of the year.
We’re not even gonna talk about Mrs. Schuester because she’s the phoniest on-screen wife/actress and she suckssss. Needless to say, she’s a bitch to him and is still not pregnant.
Finn tells Rachel she’s awesome and you can practically feel her virginity fly out of her like a cartoon cat’s 2nd through 8th life. Gross perma-m-bater Woody Jewfro then demands Rachel give him an actual used pair of underwear, which goes to show that this kid’s first trip to Japan is going to be off tha hooook.
Mercedes sings “Hate on Me”, which gives her a chance to sing her face off, not to mention our favorite dancer, Hot Asian Dude, show off. Also Michael Buble’s back-up orchestra happens to go to high school with all these people and shows up to support.
Kurt’s kicking of his legs is easily the episode highlight.
Mr. Schue and Sue have another hallway “cock fight”, but I’m too distracted by Will’s beautiful Ralph Lauren Purple Label Sweater to pay close attention to their perma-bickering. Also people sure do drink a lot of slushies at that school. Then Mr. Schu flunks the Cheerios so they can’t be cheerleaders anymore.
20 minutes into this episode, and the in-fighting between Will and Sue is already getting a little boring. The writing on this show is obviously very funny and clever but sometimes it’s hard not to tune out. Especially when someone emails you this!! Also how has Fox not released the Principal’s anti-embolism stockings commercial? File this under “M” for “Big F**king Mistake”. By the way, similar videos do exist, but you do not want to see them.
Also a baby named Drizzle?!?!?
Mr. Schue interrupts an impromptu “Ride Wit Me” breakdown, and it literally seems like there are more Glee club member than ever before. They’re like the musical Duggars, these kids. Then, the white kids sing “No Air”, sung by the whitest singer in the country, Jordin Sparks. It’s a very heart-breaking affair, as Finn and Rachel sing this passionate song to each other with fake-baby-mama Quinn looking on jealously. Quinn then plants the seed that Mr. Schuester doesn’t like minorities, as he always keeps them as background players.
Cue Puck and some rando blond girl meeting up with Sue. It is here that we learn Puck… is… JEWISH. Puck Puckerman. Yeah, I’m gonna believe that. They may as well have had Gerard Butler come in and play the part. That being said, this was a very interesting and welcome development.
Will’s wife goes to the gyno, who has a Bonsai tree much like our other favorite p**sy hound, Mr. Belding. And after her equally monstrous sister threatens to sue him for malpractice, they convince him to go along with the baby lie. Love this show, hate hate hate hate this storyline.
Rachel and Quinn have a hallway showdown over Finn/Sue/Babies (the usual). So much anger in this episode!! Did the Ghostbuster 2 River of Slime carve a new path under their school?
But, the good news this means one more musical number!! Cheerleaders singing “Set Me Free”. It’s kind of forgettable.
The Glee Club Co-Directors are still at it, fighting in front of all the kids. It’s all just so angry! Sue even pushes Mr. Schue, and the dinosaur voices make a second appearance. Though this line is of particular genius:
“I’m sorry Mr. Schue, Miss Sylvester, but if we wanted to hear Mom and Dad fight, those of us who still have two parents would just stay home on pay day.” — Finn
All the minorities pull out of the club, and then basically everyone does.
Will and Mrs. Will go to the fake gyno. He waves his wand around behind a little blue curtain for the fake sonogram, which is on DVD. If only they would have put Look Who’s Talking in the machine instead! Will is so clueless he’d probably have no idea. “Our baby sounds exactly like Bruce Willis!” — words I hope to say one day. Oh, now their boy is a girl. (wiping hands off of each other.) He cries tears of happiness, which burn holes through his wife’s devil face.
Sue was a VJ for a couple of years, though not at MTV. Fuse, do you have anything to say for yourself? Gillyyy. Sue steps down as co-chair, and forces Woody Jewjew to run the story of Quinn’s pregnancy. But they’re in Glee club and they’re all going to stick together you guyssss:
This recap was fairly difficult to crank out, only because it seemed like repetitive scene after scene of Sue and Will having it out (as they do in every episode), the wife perpetuating the baby lie (as in every episode), and very little focus on the actual kids of Glee. Overall, it was probably one of our least favorite shows to air yet, given the lame-ish storyline and lack of songs we’d want to, well you know, pay 99 cents for on Itunes. 99 cents!!
Leave your own thoughts on the episode in the comments. You can see the entire episode here.
Screencaps/Photos from Hulu/Internet; Animated GIFs from ONTD.
