Lisa Bonet (Denise from The Cosby Show) and Jason Momoa (of Stargate:Atlantis non-fame) have thrown their hat into the ring of creatively terrible celebrity baby names in a calculated effort to have people notice them and to pre-torture their child before it’s even old enough to comprehend words or ideas.

Watch out, Bronx Mowgli Wentz and Pilot Inspektor Lee, because here comes…

Care to explain your decision, you masochistic E-List child-haters?

He was born on the stormest, rainy night. So Nakoa(warrior) … Mana (strength/spirit) Kaua(rain) po(dark) … The name was always going to be Nakoa-Wolf, but Jason did the research on first middle name, 2nd middle name as you know is Jason’s.

Forget getting through high school — this baby is already getting the sh*t beat out of it, by me, in its hospital incubator right now. I’m literally writing this post from an iPhone with my left hand while punching the baby with my right. I have no choice; upon hearing that name, my body ran to the hospital where this baby was being kept and just starting wailing on it completely instinctually. It’s nothing personal, Nakoa-Wolf Senior.