Oh Fat Cat, Why You Gotta Be So Fat All The Damn Time?

(Ed. Note: I want to hug this cat all day long.)

This is Socrates, aka “Living Body Pillow Jones”, a cat breaking the scales at 22 lbs. So just how does your average housecat balloon to the feline equivalent of Marlon Brando’s ghost? Simple:

Owner Bill Duncan, 52, had taken Socrates to the vet worried by his lack of get-up-and-go.

The verdict, not surprisingly, was that he was simply too fat to move, possibly because of his taste for cheese and onion crisps.

Twice a day, regular as clockwork, he had managed to stagger to his paws and miaow for his breakfast and tea.

Now they’re putting this fat bastard on a diet, which we’re totally against. He looks so happy!

And to be fair, he still has a way to go…