During last night’s rousing 2009 MTV Video Music Awards, myself (along with some fellow VH1 bloggers) spent the better part of the evening “Live-Tweeting” the event from the comfort of our sad little homes. This did not prevent me from wearing my finest (crotchless) gown and enjoying the show more than I’m comfortable admitting. Below, I’ve reprinted my tweet-cap from last night, along with some all new and pretty special photos, comparisons, live performances and highlights.
9 PM
- OK guys, after some technical difficulties, here we are: THE VMAs. Madonna looks amazing, and not entirely unlike a Pre-Cog.
- The VMA stage looks glorious! As does JLo’s gold neckerchief thingy dress.
- Katy Perry’s cameltoe is so epic, they should start calling it a Katytoe. As my friend Tom put it, it’s a Camelfoot.
- ps The thing I’m most excited about at this 2009 VMAs? MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE
- OMG Lady Gaga…. Was there a fire sale at the Phantom of the Opera Barn?
- Russell Brand’s crotch is like a Tootsie Roll pop: How many licks until the joke becomes unfunny?
- I find Shakira‘s take on Shewolves both inspirational and curious.
- Having briefly met Taylor Swift, I can’t be anything but happy for the girl. She’s both pretty and sweet and I do love that dress.
- Loud Sigh: Oh Kanye.
- Srsly, does Beyonce need that shout out Kanye? Pretty sure she’ll survive, guy. At least he didn’t accuse Taylor of hating black people. Yay?
- I like this backstage security cam footage they’re going with. It’s very “Sliver“. Cue this http://bit.ly/2K3aMu
- OK guys, y/n: Jack Black is wearing Spanx. Answer: Yes. He looks like Wayne’s World on Roids.
- They need to start showering the audience with 5 Hour Energy Mist. They’re not giving us enough.
- Oh look… zygotes!
- If we see someone taking a dump on the ground in this subway scenario, I will applaud MTV for authenticity’s sake.
- Train acoustics are not nearly this good. Don’t ask how I know this but “This lil’ light of mine, I’ma gonna let it shine” = my jam.
- This is why I always ride the subway with my a-crack hanging out. Never know when you’re gonna be in a music video!!
- Is the guy on the right Fred Gwynn’s ghost? He’s so tall…
- I am. Excited. About Gaga.
- This isn’t nearly as crazy as I expected. I wanted her to ride a Lion onto stage and give it a reacharound.
- Is Lady Gaga playing this piano with her mini-peen?
- Thank you Gaga, this is the insanity I was expecting. Chest Periods: Hot for fall!
- Eminem is like the Sharon Stone of acting: One good movie, call it a career please. (I refer of course to Casino)
- Oh sh*t. RT@popeater Pal said she heard Kanye getting kicked out of #vmas — think he deserves it after the Swift dis?
- I seriously hope Kanye interrupts Lady Gaga tonight, because he will get both his eyes plucked out of his skull and eaten.
- Adam Brody, still adorable thanx god. Nice Vag Cam for Megan Fox.
- Glad to see Greenday is exploring a different sound. (/sarcasm)
- I like the smooth jazz sounds taking us out to commercial. Next year might I recommend Bill Withers to host?
- That’s awesome. RT @Pink: Kanye West is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me.
- Beyonce‘s opener might be giving the entire music industry cancer right now. ps WORTH IT.
- Also they should give a VMA to whoever waxes Beyonce. Always a stellar job.
- Beyonce PLEASE MOVE THE MIC AWAY FROM RANDOM BLONDE AUDIENCE MEMBER THANK U — “Ears”
- Honestly, if Beyonce ever had an epileptic seizure, she would probably end up dying to a standing ovation.
- It’s like God is behind her using his own hands. RT @ZaraFS And a VMA to whatever industrial packing tape is keeping her boobs in place.
- Also these anti-alcohol ads reminds me how much fun it is to get wasted! #rethinkyouradcampaign
- Jamie-Lynn Sigler just came down those steps like she won a mechanical bull contest backstage.
- THE KANYE BOOING. People are running out to buy tomatoes for his upcoming performance. Or just saving their commercial break stools.
- They’ll rape T.I. a little gentler tonight thanks to this great honor. ps Congrats, love his work.
- OMG Alexa Chung and Gerard Butler and MUSE? This is… making me… very jealous… I saw GB on the street last night, he’s GORGE.
- OH LSDJFKFKSJFKSDF MUSE. I ALMOST BUSTED MONEY ON… U2… SO I COULD SEE THEM OPEN. WHY AM I NOT THERE RIGHT NOW?
- OMG WHO IS THAT FOPPISH GENTLEMAN IN THE CROWD? Oscar Wilde just got a ghost erection.
- Lady Gaga has come back in her new outfit, “THE MOST PAINFUL TAMPON IN HISTORY”
- Did Kanye put on drag or is that Serena Willams? (I basically stole this concept from @katelikesyou)
- We’re 100 percent positive Pink is not lip-syncing right now. They have new microphones that automatically mute out death screams.
- These sex swings cost thousands. “What recession?” — MTV
- Wow… Pink was… great! No, really, no sarcasm this time, I liked it.
- BEYONCE WINS VIDEO OF THE YEAR. Once again, her breasts remain non-plussed.
- WAIT: THE MOMENT WITH TAYLOR SWIFT AND BEYONCE IS MAKING ME CRY.
- They even coordinated their outfits. Aww this is amazing.
- Playing this right now and rewatching that moment btwn Beyonce and Taylor Swift http://bit.ly/15mp3k
- Wanna know my least favorite thing on Planny Earth? When people ruin something with Fake! or Staged! Sorry but HAVE A HEART.
- They need to make a Jack in the Box with Rihanna‘s head that sings “Run This Town” BC that’s what my brain is for 5 hours after hearing it.
- This Jay-Z opening is like Titanic 2 of epicness.
- You guys, I think I just got shot watching this. This is the most intense thing I’ve ever seen.
- Is this what Jay-Z sounds like live? It’s… nice! (gulp)
- Alicia Keys looks & sounds great, maybe even better than her performance in the Godfather. http://bit.ly/2cXQr
- Jay-Z is looking Marty McFly.
- Lady Gaga’s birdnest face next to Beyonce is HILARIOUS.
- Great closer. Once again, we have Kanye to thank for the LOLs. Admit it, w/out him, the world would be less great.
- Oh the “This Is It” premiere with Michael Jackson. It looks pretty incredible. Soon to become Japan’s #1 grossing movie ever.
- Russell Brand’s Dick did a great job hosting tonight. Kudos.
- Oh… they’re showing the VMAs again. Who’s with me for a SECOND ROUND OF TWEETING????? jk Goodnight xoxo
10 PM
11 PM
