When you’re Lindsay Lohan, and you post your phone number on a supposedly “private” Facebook page, you’re just going to have to assume that a handful of folks you don’t actually know are going to call you and leave messages along the lines of “OMG you lesbian betch, call meeeee! Loveyakthxbai”-style. But what one wouldn’t necessarily assume is that someone will hack into your voicemails and then play them for the world to hear. (Note to both Lindsay and Spaceballs’ King Roland: “1 2 3 4 5″ is nottttt the best idea for a P-Dubs.)

We bring you those voicemails here. Note the nice balance between absolute strangers, people looking to get something out of her, and her daddy, Michael Lohan, who somehow falls into all of these categories.