Clown Car Vagina Squeezes In One More Kid Before Showtime

The Duggars. The one family in America striving to conceive more members than the freshman class at the University of Wisconsin. Michelle Duggar: She with the Timex vagina. The one woman who will officially change the name of menopause to babystop. The Duggars got the entire brood together to make a very special announcement on the Today Show: They will be having their 19th child, in the Spring. And if Jim Bob’s perma-grim tells you anything, IT’S THAT THE DUGGARS ARE SUPAH-PSYCHED ABOUT THIS!!

And somewhere in a landfill, a pack of Trojans tragically gathers dust beside an old Danielle Steele novel and a bottle of long ago consumed wine cooler, and that pack of Trojans cries like a stoic Native American wishing for his land back. If only there was an Oscar Schindler of condoms.