- In “Archie” Issue #600 this week, Archie will finally propose to very-longtime acquaintance Veronica. Did anyone know this comic was still happening? Personally, I’m a lot more interested in seeing if Beetle Bailey is ever gonna settle down.
- Michael Jackson’s body will be buried on August 29th in the Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale. I assume it’s not just sitting out in the open, right? Or is it just invincible at this point, like a Twinkie?
- A judge ruled that Paris Hilton would not have to pay $8.3 million in damages for failing to properly promote National Lampoon’s Pledge This! Because National Lampoon’s Pledge This! would have made 8.3 million more dollars if Paris Hilton had promoted it properly.
- John Hamm is set to star as a character named “High Roller” in the upcoming Zack Snyder-directed film Sucker Punch. I’m sure I’m not the only one kiiiiind of hoping for a shirtless-Hamm yelling “SPARTA” scene.
- I’m glad to see the Vikings aren’t already completely going overboard about this Brett Favre thing. Note that the season is already “Historic,” inasmuch as all NFL seasons will literally be recorded and saved for history.
