Today’s thing that never happened but was magically willed into existence by the internet is one of the finest cat massage instructional videos you’ll ever see. Learn the ins and outs of the Breast Stroke, the Chinny Chin Chin, Major Whisker Alerts, when to massage your cat (it’s “whenever” – SPOILER!), and how to dress like an early-90s stand up comedian mom.

If all else fails, just remember: You can’t fool drool. SO true.

(via Warming Glow)