ESPN reports that Brett Favre will sign a 2-year contract to return to the NFL with the Minnesota Vikings later today, pending a physical. For about the last five years, Favre has been part of an ongoing retirement saga, appearing in pointless, speculative ESPN stories year-round and constantly forcing us to alternatively declare “I’m sick of this Favre crap” and “oh man, now he did THIS ridiculous thing? Guess we have to talk about it.”
In short, he’s the sports-gossip equivalent of Heidi and Spencer. We’ve basically all followed the same general progression of reactions to both Favre coverage and Pratts coverage over the past few years:
Step 1: Man, getting really sick of this Favre/Speidi coverage.
Step 2: Man, getting really REALLY sick of this Favre/Speidi coverage.
Step 3: ESPN/Us Weekly is still covering Favre/Speidi today?? Nothing new happened!
Step 4: That’s it, I’m through talking about Favre/Speidi. Totally ignoring them, I don’t care what happens.
Step 5: Laaa deee daaaaaaa… I can’t heaaaarr yooooouuuu, not listening…..
Step 6: WHAT??? Favre came back AGAIN and got traded to the Jets / Heidi released ANOTHER music video??? GAAAHHHHHH I’m too weak, I can’t not make fun of this.
Steps 7-12: Repeat Steps 1-5 again in exact progression, adding “I’m SERIOUS this time.”
Step 13: WHAT??? Favre came back AGAIN and signed with the Vikings / Heidi appeared on the vomit-inducingest Playboy cover ever??? GAAAHHHHHH I’m too weak, I can’t not make fun of this.
[Repeat For Rest Of My Life]
