Hi everyone, Tom here again. I’ve come out of blog retirement to talk about a serious issue. You may want to sit down. Perhaps, gather your loved ones. It seems just when you thought the biggest story of 2009 had blown over, the whole thing was ripped right back in the national consciousness.

We Americans waited for weeks now in white-knuckle fear of Eminem’s response to Mariah Carey’s “Obsessed” video. For awhile it seemed like he’d just let it slide and “cooler heads would prevail.” However, we don’t call Shady “The New King of Pop” for nothing (we did give that title to him, right? No?).

Last night Eminem released a track dissing Mariah and her husband. Here is a short taste of the lyrical gasoline he has thrown upon his fiery feud with Mr. and Mrs. Nick Canon:

Thirty-five seconds is all you really need to know that someone needs to end the stupid feud ASAP. Sure, we’re all TOTALLY shocked at how frankly Eminem talks about his “tender moments” with Mariah. That guy really goes for it! But, does anyone actually find this stuff entertaining anymore? Mariah and Eminem? And are we going to have to hear this song at the club? (Seriously, my parents’ country club plays some pretty good hip-hop now and then). Since President Obama’s little beer summit seemed to have worked yesterday, perhaps he should get Eminem and Mariah together so as a nation we never have to hear about this again. Ever.