Last night’s 2 Hour Hell’s Kitchen premiere was easily the best scripted comedy to debut in the Summer of 2009. Chef Gordon Ramsay has clearly spent the last 3 months buffing up his pan throwing arm, and thangs were a-clankin’ last night as chickens were overcooked, shrimps were beheaded and then, sadly, left raw, and people who supposedly have been working in this business for year confused the fridge and the freezer.

Also new this season? The Super Soaker filled with testosterone which was then sprayed all over the men’s team. Like, for real, they’re pretty intense. Among others, there’s Van, a good ol’ boy from Georgia who seems like he’s all fun and games until he basically face rapes anyone who gets in his way.

And then, there’s Joseph. Ah, Joseph, you gorgeous, stupid son of a bitch. Joseph is a former marine from Long Island who ditched the blood pinning for some light chopping of this this and sautéing of the that.

Sure, the guy is pretty good-looking, but side note! He also ain’t nobody’s bitch. Last night, when Chef Ramsay called on him to announce the two men nominated for elimination, Joseph proceeded to pull out the script from My Cousin Vinny and play it to perfection, as in there were some very serious communication problems between the two. But rather than talk it out like gentlemen, Jojo instead tore his shirt open, ripped his own heart out, threw it in a pan and called Gordon Ramsay a bitch. He got all up in Gordon’s boilin’ hot grill, y’all!! That’s like inviting yourself to you own murder party, for real.

Here’s a clip of the event.

So will Gordon beat his fine ass? You’ll have to tune in next week to find out… but probably.