- Judaism finally has a reason to celebrate, as it finally has it’s own Trump card: Ivanka Trump, that is, who has converted for her fiance, Jared Kushner. Why do the rich, beautiful, famous non-Jews always get the good ones?
- Future Queen of England Kate Middleton’s Uncle is going to be a real scream at future family holiday gatherings. Especially when he holds a knife to Prince Charles‘ throat and cracking a amyl nitrite capsule in between his teeth.
- Here is a sighting that filled our empty heart glass full of liquid passion: “PRINCE on a first-class flight from Minneapolis to La Guardia, reading Elle magazine, carrying a gold- and diamond-encrusted walking stick and wearing flip-flops with sparkly silver socks.” Thankfully, he put his 5 foot long emerald mustache comb in the overhead.
- Rapper Gucci mane has been sent to prison, and in the immortal words of Soulja Boy, it’s “some B*llshit.” On the bright side, rappers Prada Braidz and Men’s Wearhouse Cornrows remain free as of publication.
- And in heartbreaking news, Angela’s Ashes author Frank McCourt passed away this weekend at the age of 78. Here’s to hoping there are no potatoes in Heaven. “Agggainnnn?”
