One of my roommates recently moved out, taking his Netflix account with him, so yesterday, I finally took it upon myself in this Year of Our Lord Two Thousand And Nine to finally start my own Netflix account. This scary step into modernization brought me a unique, groundbreaking, and highly pressured question — what should be the first movie that I ever Netflix on my own account?
An old favorite, out of principle? A recent Oscar movie or blockbuster that I missed in theaters? A nagging recommendation I’ve been meaning to see for years? An all-time classic that I just happen to have never watched?
With too many factors for my mind to weigh, I took it upon myself to fill out the Netflix “Movies You’ll Heart” questionnaire, filling out two pages of genre preferences, then combing through page after page of assorted movies and rating them from 1 to 5 stars to give Netflix a better idea of my uniquely awesome taste in movies.
Finally, I clicked “Show My Recommendations,” and Netflix, with its newfound understanding of my brain’s intricate inner-workings, offered this personalized recommendation for Mr. Daniel Hopper:
The Godfather. The frickin’ Godfather. Because I enjoyed CITIZEN KANE. Netflix’s first personalized recommendation to me is that I watch one of the most obviously great films in cinematic history because I enjoyed one of the other most obviously great films in cinematic history.
That’s like saying “Oh, you like pizza? Let me recommend this other food you should try — ICE CREAM. You obviously like awesome things, and ice cream is also awesome.” Did Netflix really need me to fill out seven pages of information about my specific movie tastes to determine that I might want to watch The Godfather???
Unfortunately, I’ve already seen The Godfather (just call me “Mr. Films”!!!), and I’ve eaten ice cream, so I decided to forego Netflix’s recommendation and pick a first movie for myself, knowing full well this would be a symbolic decision I’d always remember. I still remember the first cd I listened to in my high school car’s cd player (Use Your Illusion II) and the first album I ever ripped to iTunes (Pet Sounds), so I wasn’t taking this decision lightly.
Ultimately, I decided that Netflixing an old favorite would be pointless, and there weren’t any obvious Oscar movies or blockbusters I’d missed in the past two years, so I would use my first Netflix to get an all-time great film that I happened to have never seen.
Without looking, I decided I’d go with the highest-ranked movie on the AFI 100 Greatest Films List that I’d never sat down and watched. Sadly, I didn’t have to go any further than Lawrence of Arabia at #5. However, even though I’d never had my own name on a Netflix account, I’ve borrowed my friend’s login when he’s been on vacation in the past, so I’ve experienced the Netflix faux pas of queuing up the film that you think you want to see instead of the movie you actually want to see — I once watched a History Channel piece about World War I, then immediately Netflixed All Quiet On The Western Front, sat on the disc for two weeks, then when my roommate came back, just threw it back in the mail. Lawrence of Arabia struck me as a sure-fire All Quiet sequel, so I passed.
I then turned my attention to a far greater authority — the unarguable IMDB Users Top 250 Movies list. I’ve obviously seen Shawshank Redemption, the apparent greatest movie of all time, and actually had to travel down all the way to the #14 spot to find my movie: The Seven Samurai. I loved Kurosawa’s Rashomon but for no reason other than laziness have never gotten around to Seven Samurai, even though it’s almost as great as Return of the King (nooooo waaaaayyy!!!!) It’s borderline “Great but not ever getting around to watch it” territory, but dammiit, when it arrives tomorrow, I’m gonna see my name on the front of that envelope and watch the SH*T out of that frickin’ movie.
Or maybe I’ll watch Dark Knight on HBO for the seventieth time. And then again when it re-airs on the west coast HBO. But then right afterwards it is Seven Samurai time! Yayyy swordfights!!!!
What was your first Neflix movie ever, masses? Leave yer answers and any similar stories of self-consciousness in the comments.
