This morning, before making my way upstairs to caress the hair of my favorite neglected blog while it sobbed in my bosom, I took a few minutes out of my schedule to make an appearance on It’s On with Alexa Chung (re-airing again today at 6 PM ET), MTV’s latest and greatest talk show featuring English personality Alexa Chung and a variety of guests. Today, I found myself getting my hair and makeup done — aka “The Tyra Carwash” — next to the legendary Kelly Osbourne. Kelly looked absolutely angelic, perfect skin, the whole deal, and was very friendly with the crew on board.
So there we were, getting shpritzed and glazed, when the topic turned to CNN. One of the makeup artists announced she was obsessed with CNN, saying things like “I would happily have Wolf Blitzer’s baby.” While most of us spend the next few minutes wondering what a baby like this would be like in human time, Kelly popped this question:
“What about the woman with the chokers? Who always says “PTL”?”
“I have no idea who that is…” I mumbled while getting navy brown foundation airbrushed to my cheekbones.
Kelly was frustrated. “You know, she starts every segment with “PTL! PTL!” She’s always going on about kidnapped kids…”
“NANCY GRACE” the entire room responded in unison.
“Yes, that’s her!” Mystery solved. Well… almost.
“What exactly does PTL mean?” I asked, curious about a new abbreviation that I could possibly use in every other sentence. It was then Kelly informed the room that “PTL” stands for “Praise the Lord.” Needless to say, I freaked.
PTL, That Is Such a Nice Choker.
“What?! I love that! That should be the new replacement for OMG. Like, “PTL, this dress is fabulous!”
The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. OMG seems a little too played out already, even earning a coveted spot in the adorable high school comedy 17 Again (which I watched twice on the plane yesterday.) As Fergie and probably Carlton from Fresh Prince would say, it’s sooo “two thousand and late“. We need something new, something edgy, something Nancy Gracey to really call out the big guy upstairs in a new and totally trivial and blasphemous way. And PTL is that something. For the Lord’s sake, PTL was even used in the name of a televised evangelical show The PTL Club, starring your favorite theives ever, Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker. It’s new AND retro at the same time! Plus, it’s got a certain “Gay Southernness” that we like in our abbrevs.
So get on board, today’s youth: PTL is the new OMG. Even Kelly Osbourne thinks so. Also? This will probably never catch on, but it’s worth a try.
And in other news, I managed to sneak “donkey punch” past the censors today. Ah, it’s good to be back.
