Kevin Jonas got engaged to his longtime girlfriend Danielle Deleasa yesterday. Deleasa will immediately enter the Witness Protection Program and surround herself with dozens of round-the-clock, groupie-repelling security guards.- According to Forbes, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston were the top two earning actresses over the past year. The clear message: Getting f***ed by Brad Pitt is nice work if you can get it.
- An Indian court officially decriminalized consensual gay sex, repealing an anti-sodomy law originally put in place by British colonials in 1860. Next up – repealing the 1860 “Photographs Are Illegal Because They Steal Your Soul” Act.
- Universal is planning a feature film adaptation of the Arcade game Asteroids. The movie will be remembered fondly by children from the 80s, but they’ll get bored and switch over to the Q-Bert movie after one quarter.
- Courtney Love vows to gain 15 pounds over the next month. I’m picturing a movie montage with “I’m Too Sexy” playing, a bunch of ice cream eating, and Kirstie Alley in a referee’s outfit.
