As you can see, the new site’s up, and as you would probably point out if it were possible, the comments are not currently working. Please bear with us, we’re still moving a bunch of stuff over, but it should be up and running shortly. In the meantime, we will simply attempt to imagine your brilliance, were that possible.

In the meantime, here is some news and also jokes with the news!

• Us Weekly reports that Michael Jackson’s L.A. Dermatologist Arnold Klein is the true biological father of his children, and that he and Jackson signed an agreement never to reveal the truth to the world. This piece of news was also turned into seven basic cable movies as I was typing it.
• Chris Brown’s performance was pulled from the BET Awards last night and the singer refused to show up to the ceremony. Apparently, the network didn’t want someone with such a questionable legal history to be honoring Michael Jackson.
• Sales of ‘crooked’ playhouses have skyrocketed since the airing of Jon & Kate Plus 8. Also skyrocketing? Beating your children probably.
• AEG Live will begin refunding peoples’ Michael Jackson concert tickets on Wednesday, but ticketholders also have the option of receiving special “Souvenir” tickets instead of their money back. It’s kind of like that time the Apple Store encouraged me to keep my broken “Souvenir” iPod.
• Finally, and unrelatedly, I nominate Shadow Boxing as the next Pixar short. I have the power to do that, right?