Dear Girl Who Got 56 Small Stars Tattooed to Her Face By Mistake,
First of all, a reminder as to what you look like now and forever:
You know, it isn’t even that bad. Yet, you claim that you asked the tattoo artist for only 3 stars on your face (extremely classy sounding, as far as face-tatts go). But once you laid down in his chair, you “fell asleep”, and woke up with no less than 56 STARS on half of your face. And there’s the rub — you now wish to sue this poor, confused artist who transformed your regular old white face into a regular old white face that looks like a Looney Tunes cartoon after someone steps into a shovel.
But onto your claim: We will admit that we have a little trouble believing that you fell asleep in a tattoo chair as a needle tap-danced its way along your cheekbones for what must have been a couple of hours. But let’s just say that DID happen, you fell asleep, and now you are technically disfigured, albeit in a beautifully unicorny sorta way. See, here is our REAL problem with your story.
Our real problem is that you put your face in the hands…. OF THIS MAN:
WTF, Tattoo-face girl? WTF?! You should be happy you didn’t wake up looking like a Blingee’d Charles Manson. LOOK AT THAT MAN! What uh-the uh-helllllll did you think was going to happen, you FRENCH AND OR BELGIAN IDIOT? Seriously, I hope you are forced to spend the rest of your life wearing cake icing on your face, a la my life inspiration. Oh, and also? Your “Sexy” belt buckle is on the verge of killing itself.
Sincerely,
Middle School Graduates
