- Jean-Claude Van Damme was spotted groinding on some ladies while clubbing at the Cannes Film Festival. Coincidentally, Steven Seagal was spotted groinding up some kidney beans in his mouth while hosting his local shelter’s Can Film Festival (slogan “For Anyone Who’s Ever Wanted to Watch The Glimmer Man 4 Times in a Row!”).
- Brooke Shields says she regrets losing her virginity at only 22 years of age, saying she wishes she would have lost it earlier. Coincidentally, every man on Earth also regrets this.
- This list of celebrity childhood yearbook photos might make you feel better about your younger, awkward years. Coincidentally, Adam Levine might be the finest Jewish gangster since Meyer Lansky.
- Mel Gibson has confirmed that his girlfriend, Russian Oksana Grigorieva, is pregnant with his child. Coincidentally, he did not confirm that the Holocaust ever happened.
- And finally, Lars Von Trier‘s Antichrist has caused quite the stir at Cannes, eliciting boos from the audience after the camera closes in on female genital mutilation involving a rusty pair of scissors. Coincidentally, I’m vomiting forever now.
