Regimental goat retiree parade? Or a future still from my very special episode of TLC’s “A Wedding Story”? Fingers twizzed it’s the latter.
Very few people in this country understand the power of a dignified goat. Here in America, goats are sprinkled across petting zoos nationwide, eating a can here and there, getting their aromatted fur (goat hair?) patted by the grubby hands of the swine flu’d masses. Here, goats are treated much like their food of choice: Garbage.
But over in England, they seem to have the right g-ddammned idea about g-ats… they put them to work in the army. The history of the Regimental Goat is rich, and deserved direct Wiki-quote:
The Royal Regiment of Wales was one of two British regiments to have a goat as its mascot. The regiment’s goats were always named Taffy plus a Roman numeral to show the succession. The soldier in charge of the mascot is styled as the “Goat Major”, who, unlike what the rank suggests, is a corporal.
Prince Charles was appointed Colonel-in-Chief of the new regiment in early 1969, his first Army appointment… The point of formation of the new regiment is taken as the point at which Prince Charles placed the new Royal Regiment of Wales green goat-coat upon Taffy the goat-mascot, replacing the Welch Regiment’s red one. The goat-coat had been worked by the Royal College of Needlework.
GOAT COATS. Oh, how the English have evolved! (Said without irony.)
Last week, a sad one: Billy the Regimental Goat (who we’re guessing was a bit too butch for the Taffy moniker) retired after 8 years. And the regiment honored him the only way dignified people know how: With a Goat Parade.
Obama, pay very close attention: This is most likely why our country is in the sh*t dirt it’s in right now. WE NEED GOATS. Ahead, Billy gives the Brits one last eff you before retiring to the lap of goat luxury…
