From the “Anything I Add To This Story Will Only Dilute The Amazingness” Department:
A Mets fan dropped her gold tooth into a Citi Field toilet yesterday and got her hand stuck in the toilet while reaching for it, and had to wait for stadium officials to contact a nearby plumbing company to come and rescue her as the toilet repeatedly flushed.
Everybody got that? Now follow along as the story gets better and better:
The anxious victim, meanwhile, could only wait as the toilet continued to flush over her arm.
At one point, she became more entertaining than the game — which the Mets lost 8-7 — as fans gathered outside the bathroom near Section 338 to see the off-field action.
I love going to baseball games, but honestly, who among us wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to see a Mets fan with her arm stuck in a toilet and the toilet flushing on her constantly with no way to pry herself loose? I’m pretty sure some of my Philly friends have had this wet dream before.
The article gets better…
“The truth is, this kind of thing happens all the time — usually with wedding rings or cellphones,” [a Queens plumber] said.“People have probably been getting their hands stuck in toilets as long as there have been toilets.”
The Mets and stadium officials declined to comment on the situation, so the Post just got a quote from a “Queens plumber,” who is TOTALLY UNIMPRESSED by the boring, banal story that’s occurred. “A dog pried its owner loose from a flaming car wreck? Yeah…dogs have been doin’ that as long as there’s been cars. I seen ‘em.”
It’s unclear if the toilet had to be destroyed to free her.
She might have been rescued by a group of plumbers lining up with sledgehammers and smashing the toilet to pieces while yelling “how do YOU like it, DEVIL MACHINE??” but this was unclear.
And the best line in the entire article, this random, totally inexplicable final paragraph:
Last year, a woman in China spent two days with her hand stuck down a toilet when she tried to save a pet turtle that she had accidentally flushed.
End of article. No further explanation given or needed.
(via Deadspin)
