Lindsay Lohan and Leonardo DiCaprio were at the same club this weekend and spoke to one another. Wait, that’s not exciting — I meant to say, LiLo is back on the peen wagon lookin’ for some A-List man-juice, and she kick-started things this weekend by giving a sensual lapdance to none other than Leo DiCaprio!!!
Let’s break down the always fun “our sources tell us” quotes from the Sun UK story and translate each portion into factual English to give us some sense of how this obviously factual story came to factually be (factually).
Lindsay spotted Leo at Hollywood hotspot My House on Wednesday night. A source said: “As soon as Lindsay saw Leo she was like a bee to honey.”
Translation: Lindsay walked over to Leo.
“She was going for the big catch and when she spotted him in a dark corner of the club she headed straight for him.”
Translation: Lindsay walked over to Leo, who is a very famous person.
“She quickly monopolised his conversation and made sure she had him all to herself.”
Translation: Lindsay talked to Leo.
“Lindsay is a sharp tac. She wasn’t wasting her time chatting up small fish. She seemed interested in the gents with deeper pockets, probably because her career is on a downward trajectory.”
Translation: Lindsay continued talking to Leo, who is a very famous person.
“The pair were cosied up together deep in conversation. She definitely tickled his fancy.”
Translation: Lindsay continued talking to Leo.
As the night went on and the drinks flowed, things between her and Leo hotted up and she took to the dancefloor to show off her talents.
Translation: Lindsay danced on the dance floor of the dance club they were at. Things hotted up.
My eyewitness added: “It was a bit shocking when she got up and started dancing in front of him but he seemed to be enjoying it.”
Translation: Lindsay danced on the dance floor of the dance club they were at.
I just hope for Leo’s sake his girlfriend doesn’t get wind of his antics or he may find himself barred from the bedroom.
Translation: These people are famous.
