Guess what? It’s Rihanna’s birthday!!! Happy Birthday, Rihanna! Hope you’re enjoying the leaked photo of your assault hitting the web and the subsequent police investigation into how the photo leaked and everyone hounding you for answers about what happened and your feelings towards Chris Brown and where to go from here!
This brings me to my question for this fine Friday afternoon:
What was the worst birthday you ever had?
I’ll go first (feel free to have this playing while you read).
The night before my 21st birthday, I was in Pittsburgh while on winter break from college, and I was on my cell phone with a friend for about twenty minutes, holding the phone to one ear and holding my other ear closed with my finger, and when I got off the phone, I realized that I suddenly couldn’t hear out of my left ear.
(Thrilling story continues after the jump…)
Even after a couple minutes passed, I felt like I was wearing an earplug in my left ear and couldn’t do anything to restore sound normally — I also couldn’t listen to people without getting immediately annoyed, and I almost had trouble walking from the weirdness of the ear-equilibrium (Ed. Note – I am a badass). I then drove to a pharmacy to pick up earwax-removal medication, went home, used it (meaning, titled my head for an hour and waited for it to work) but it had absolutely no effect.
So the next morning at 6:00 a.m., on my 21st birthday, I had to get my dad to take me to the frickin’ hospital emergency room to have them look at my weird earwax mishap. We waited an hour and a half to see someone, filled out a million forms (I kept getting extra bitter every time I filled out my birthdate) and even got an “oh… I guess happy birthday!” from the well-meaning nurse.
I then proceeded into a room to have a nurse stick a sharp plastic instrument into my ear well past that point where your body goes “holy sh*t, nothing should ever be in this ear, ever,” for several minutes, digging deeper and deeper and causing the greatest single pain I have ever experienced. When that was over, for good measure, she did the other ear two for bonus torture, and after a tidy four-hour birthday morning jambaroo, I was on my way.
Afterwards, my aunt surprised us with tickets to the Penguins’ afternoon game, which we went to and saw them lose to Montreal 9-0. I then returned to my home and went to bed in the early evening, at no point going near a legal drink.
Anyone else want to top that? Go for it in the comments.
