- Poor Jessica Simpson… one pair of crotch-hugging, unflattering, nip-high Mom jeans, and the entire world starts calling you fat.
- A Michael Jackson musical called “Thriller” will be hitting the Broadway stages! Casting directors are seeking young boys aged 6 to 11 for auditions, to be held in the back of a 1994 limousine.
- Alec Baldwin’s date to the SAG Awards was his sometimes estranged 13-year-old daughter Ireland. Yes, that is her. No, really, she’s 13, we swear. Don’t turn yourself in, you haven’t even done anything yet. Wait, you did what? Sigh. (phone dials 911)
- My dream sleepover party has finally happened, and I wasn’t even invited: Madonna and A-Rod spent the weekend at Jerry Seinfeld’s mansion in East Hampton. We’re guessing they all ate a lot of lobster bisque.
- Here’s our favorite feud since Trump and Rosie: Mario Batali vs. Gordon Ramsey! Batali has banned Ramsey from entering any of his restaurants after the saucy British TV star called the ginger-bearded chef “Fanta Pants.” Point Ramsey.
- A woman has given birth to octuplets, only the second time in history all 8 babies have survived. Expect to see the entire family on TLC in juuuuust… abouttttt…. ok, they’re on. (Title suggestion: The Peanut Gang.)
