You know, there’s nothing funny about death. And there’s nothing funny about a banana mogul caught yellow-handed when some coked-up broad drops “d” mid-orgy. But there’s definitely something a little “punny” (mmmgetit) about all of these things combined. Which is why we were shocked and saddened this morning to discover that the most reliable pun peddler in America, the NY Post, has chosen to avoid nearly Banana-related puns, leaving an article that is… somehow… full of information.. and devoid of any and all word play, i.e. “Reasons to Live and Not Die In An Orgy”. Opportunity lost? Or tact-apropos?:
SEX, DRUGS & DEATH AT LUXE HOTELA Long Island banana mogul at the center of a deadly sex romp at a tony Midtown hotel lives a double life – married suburban dad and pillar of his community by day, but kinky party animal after dark, neighbors and law-enforcement sources said.
Kimberly Calo, 41, a mom of two, died of an apparent drug overdose after a sordid three-way sex romp early Saturday morning at The Kitano involving fruit dealer Thomas Hoey. The owner of Long Island Banana Corp., he is also a major contributor to a local nursery school.
Zobkiw told authorities she had slept with Hoey, then walked out when the banana man turned his affections to Calo.
For once, we have to congratulate the NY Post on using something rarely seen in those parts: Restraint. Restraint for not PUNNIN’ IT UP! I mean, think of the lost headline opportunities:
- BANANA MOGUL SPLITS AFTER ORGY DEATH
- CHIQUITA FOUND DEAD AFTER BUNCH O’ SEX
- BANANA MOGUL RIPE FOR CHARGES
- SEX BUNCH GOES NOT ACCORDING TO PLANTAIN
- BANANA MAN FOSTERS ALIBI
- DRUGGY SEX ROMP MAKES WOMAN GO BANANAS! I.E. DIE
- SUNDAE BLOODY SUNDAE
I’ll stop.
