MTV has officially announced that Britney Spears will open the 2008 Video Music Awards only two days shy of the one-year anniversary of the tragic events of 9-9-07 (never forget). And guess what? We’re going to be there when she does! While I certainly won’t be able to get a wink of sleep until I see exactly what Brit has in store for us, I’ve decided to pass the time by speculating on a few ideas about what Britney might do to open the show:
- Lead a candlelight memorial ceremony where the stage from the 2007 VMA’s is symbolically demolished and set on fire, save for a plaque placed on one of those giant moon men in remembrance of what we all lost that day.
- A campy encore of “Gimme More” performed by Britney, Perez Hilton and a bunch of trannies from Reseda who call themselves The Pussycat Dudes (there’s no way this will happen – MTV hasn’t been that cool in years).
- A giant 4-way make-out sesh with Britney and all the dudes from Human Giant.
- Ask Russell Brand to check yes or no about if he wants to get her pregnant.
- Rebel against her handlers by just going ahead and busting out an impromptu performance of “This Little Light of Mine”.
- A serious, sober political plea in which Britney expresses her support for Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin and all her little babies, but then gets pimp-handed by P. Diddy.
- Some pills.
- Have some kind of relapse freakout and just start showing off her junk to any camera that happens to be pointed at her.
- Seize the high-profile opportunity to have a frank discussion with K-Fed about their future as parents.
- Do some kind of sh*tty sketch with Mike Meyers (as Austin Powers) trying to find the lighter side of the fact that she spent the better part of the past 12 months acting like an unhinged lunatic.
- Shock the world by behaving in a sane, lucid, reasonable manner.
To find out what DOES happen, and what we have to say about it, be sure to check into BWE.tv all day this Sunday, September 7th, when yours truly will be bringing you live blog reports from the field at the VMA’s in LA.
