The BBC reports on a sad but hopeful story: An Asian elephant has just completed a DRUG REHABILITATION PROGRAM after his captors got him hooked on heroin spiked bananas. Feel free to roll that last sentence around in your brain a couple times before reading on. Absorbed? Great. Police discovered the elephant was hooked after seeing strange withdrawal symptoms: “The elephant’s eyes kept streaming and he made continuous trumpeting noises.” So celebratory, and yet so heart-breaking.
Now, I realize this story is nothing to joke about (no, really), given what a fan I am of the hit A&E documentary series Intervention. Which is why I’ve put together the following surefire ways to tell if an elephant you know or love is battling a horrible drug addiction.
7. You catch him giving trunk jobs for cash.
6. His eyes are bloodshot… and untrusting.
5. Your elephant is arrested after stealing cars to pay for the next sweet hit.
4. He forgets to take his gigantic elephant tourniquet off (the irony, really).
Top 3 Drug Signs Ahead.
3. He doesn’t respond when you call his name for dinner.
2. He drinks Absolut Peach. (This is also an indication that your elephant has diabetes.)
1. You notice that your gigantic stash of cocaine and horse tranquilizers is being depleted by roughly 78 kilograms per day.
If you or an elephant you care about has an addiction, dial (800) 396-9389 for help.
