Some of you might recall back in December, when a pastier me went to the Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting Ceremony. Of the many highlights of the evening, one that stayed with me was meeting rapper Sean Kingston, whose husky size was only upstaged by easily the most expensive necklace I had ever touched: A $500,000 Crayon Crayola Box made out of diamonds, rubies, emeralds, etc. etc. It was the kind of necklace that King Henry VIII would have owned… had he of been developmentally disabled.
Let me assure you, having lifted this necklace personally, that it was quite the useless extravagant specimen. Which is why it physically pains me to tell you that HIS NECKLACE HAS BEEN STOLEN:
Reggae star Sean Kingston’s $500,000 chain was stolen from the mail, after the teen rapper had his sister FedEx a diamond encrusted link chain with a crayon box medallion, from Los Angeles to a jeweler in New York.
The authorities were alerted about the missing bling when the shipped package arrived at the jeweler’s shop empty, according to TMZ.com.
Kingston’s sister reportedly only insured the extravagant parcel for just $500. The incident is currently under police investigation in Los Angeles.
Excuse me for a few minutes. (long, extended silence)
OK. I’ve thought it over for a bit, and come to the conclusion that his sister, Kunema, is quite literally the stupidest person alive. I barely trust Fed Ex with my Norstroms returns. Why she would not only mail the most expensive piece of ugly jewelry in the world using them, and then not even insuring it, is beyond my spectrum of thinking. How is he going to prove his success to family and friends now??
My theory as to how it got lost ahead.
It almost leads me to believe she did it on purpose. Think about it: Every time the two of you go out — the movies, Applebees, Walgreens, whatever — he’s gotta wear that idiotically flashy necklace. What’s that Kunema? You got your hair done? And a new dress? I’m sorry, I’m having trouble noticing because your BROTHER HAS A CRAYON BOX MADE OUT OF JEWELS THAT COSTS AS MUCH AS THE GNP OF TOGO AROUND HIS NECK.
So what does she do? Fed Ex’s it. I’m guessing the box looked a little something like this:
