First, we saw the photos of crazy woman, Bernann McKinney, who paid $50,000 to clone her dead dog, Booger. Then, we saw a video of her moaning with ecstasy as she rubbed the pup against her face and praising God for sending her the 5 creatures. Even with this small amount of evidence, it was clear: this lady is insane. But, we had no idea just how accurate our instincts were. Because, it turns out, McKinney is ALSO A RAPIST!!!!!
And I’m not talking about the “I slept with a 17-year-old when I was 19″ type rape. I’m talking about the “I stalked, chloroformed, kidnapped, chained to a bed, and raped a Mormon missionary in the 1970’s” type rape. In the late 70’s, the UK tabloids had a field day with the case of Joyce McKinney, who had been charged with kidnapping and raping a Mormon missionary by the name of Kirk Anderson. A former Miss Wyoming, she originally met Kirk in North Carolina, and immediately became enamored with him. Two years later, she tracked him to Britain. She subdued him with chloroform, drove him 200 miles to a remote cottage, chained him to a bed and tried to persuade him to marry her. When that didn’t work, she did what any psycho would do: she forced herself upon him…sexually. Eventually, he agreed to marry her so that she would loosen the chains – at which point he made his escape.
In court, Joyce said “I loved him so much that I would ski naked down Mount Everest with a carnation up my nose if he asked me to.†Ummm…it makes me wonder, what would she do to someone she HATES? I’m scared, because I’m pretty sure she hates me for writing this.
When Bernann McKinney appeared in the news earlier this week, people from her hometown in North Carolina immediately recognized her as Joyce McKinney. There, she was known as a nutball, banned by local vets, accused of animal abuse, and had an outstanding warrant for her arrest for “communicating threats.” Her lawyer in the kidnapping case said that, over the years, she would contact him, at one point telling him that they were making a film about her life, and that Anthony Hopkins was going to play him.
And then there’s this:
“After fleeing Britain in 1978, Miss McKinney spent five weeks in hiding then resurfaced at the Hilton Hotel in Atlanta, Georgia, dressed as a nun. In the 1980s, she was arrested near Salt Lake City airport, where Mr. Anderson worked, for allegedly harassing him. A rope and handcuffs were in her car.”
And what does Bernann have to say about all this? She denies it completely, of course.
You know, when I was little I read a Berenstein Bears book about how you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Mrs. Berenstein used apples to teach this simple lesson: the apple that looks good on the outside might be rotted on the inside, and the apple that looks bruised on the outside might be the best apple you’ve ever tasted. In the case of Joyce/Bernann McKinney, however, we may have been correct in assuming that this apple, with its creepy sheen, is actually the rapiest, animal-abusey apple you’ve ever tasted.
All I can say after this is…they may have been created on the Devil’s Xerox machine, but can somebody please save Boogers 1-5???????
