1. In mathematics, the SI prefix for 1000 to the 8th power is yotta. Watch Seinfeld’s “Yadda Yadda Yadda” episode in today’s honor.
2. Memorize the 8 Principles of Fun, then decide you’re not really up to it… since the divorce.
3. Take a deep breath. Feel that in your lungs? It’s a whole balloonful of atomic number 8, people.
4. Writing the pre-trilogy to Oceans 11, starting with the script for Oceans 8.
5. Make love to a spider.
6. Drive 88 Miles Per Hour in an effort to go Back to the Future.
7. Visit the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts to celebrate the realist group of painters known as The Eight.
8. YAYAYAY!!! IT’S THE NUMBER 8!!!
9. Set your Tivo to record every. single. Olympic. Event. Then, sleep with one eye open, as your overworked Tivo might try to suffocate you in your slumber.
10. Wait until 8:08, then binge on an entire box After 8 Mints. So chocolatey, so minty, your throat will burn with bile and celebration!
11. Use the pickup line “Hey baby, is your name 88? Because you’re most primitive semiperfect number I’ve ever laid eyes on.” Then, have amaaaaazing sex.
12. Hot glue 88 bottles of beer to your wall.
13. Join the military and go crazy, or what they refer to as a “Section 8.”
14. You’ve heard of Christmas in July? Well, why not celebrate Hanukkah in August? All 8 days of it, that is.
15. Make Timothy Leary proud and take a quick stroll through one of your eight levels of consciousness.
16. Guess what number is 8 times 2? BOOM.
17. Find a child, and be the first person to tell them the “Because 7 ate 9″ joke. Then run like hell.
18. Throw away all of your teaspoons and measure everything out in “pinches.”
19. Have an 8 person orgy at a Super 8 Motel. Then take an 8 hour Purell shower.
20. Rock out to Slipknot’s #8 on an 8-track cassette.
21. Join the Bishop James Madison Society, a secret society at the College of William and Mary. “8″ is their official number.
22. Eat a bowl of Frosted Flakes and exclaim “They’re Grrrrrr-eight!”
23. Call up Eddie Furlong and ask why there are 8 of him to a mile. Then, find out how he’s doing. Let us know.
24. Eat octopus tonight.
25. Why don’t you pay a little more attention to your cell metabolism and overdose on all 8 B vitamin variations.
26. Get your bikini waxed, and ask for the “Pythagoras Strip”, for some truly trippy pubes.
27. Gather your co-workers around the water cooler and discuss how 88 Minutes is an Al Pacino movie most people don’t know exists even though it’s only 4 months old.
28. Master the 8-stringed guitar.
29. Bring your rollerblades to work and “leminscate” a “figure 8″ around your boss a few times. Tell him or her it’s for luck. Don’t get fired.
30. Buying a Lynn Swann jersey (#88!)
31. Fall in love with a Sk8ter Boi.
32. Walk crooked all day long until someone recommends that you have a V8. Then, slap that person across the face.
33. Divide your lunch into halves and then quarters. Then, eat it in the past tense.
34. Have a chicken salad at The News Cafe in Miami (on 8th and Ocean Drive) while simultaneously reminiscing about the worst modeling reality show ever, 8th and Ocean.
35. Hold a think tank to determine why the movie 8MM was made.
36. Teach your cat how to play all 88 keys of the piano.
37. Reenact Act 4, Scene 1 of Macbeth and ask aloud “Why there gotta be so many apparitions up in this biotch?” (Ed. Note: There are 8 of them.)
38. Add some octonions to your lunch or dinner. Then just laugh for hours.
39. Paint your testicles to look like an 8 ball.
40. Convert all of your assets to “pieces of eight.” Then fly to Spain and tell everyone.
41. Have lesbian sexual relations with two fat ladies.
42. Drive the entire length of Interstate 8 from San Diego, California to Casa Grande, Arizona.
43. Buy a puppy and name in Fibonacci.
44. Have your maid go a-milkin. Then, laugh when she quits. Then live the rest of your life in filth.
The list continues…
45. Eat a hamburger with bacon, cheese, pineapple, slice of beet and a fried egg on top at NYC restaurant 8 Mile Creek.
46. Play 8 holes of golf. The baby delivering can wait for a day.
47. Relive your best years with a Galaga 88 marathon.
48. Text the letters “TUV” to all of your drunk dials.
49. Get your Sphenic tested.
50. Get married. (This one helps if you are Chinese.)
51. Lose 8 pounds. People are beginning to talk.
52. Ask your Magic 8 Ball why people hate you. It might be because you’re fat. See #51.
53. Get re-creeped out by the 8 limbed toddler.
54. Take some LSD in an octopus’ garden in the shade.
55. Have I mentioned Figure 8s yet? If not, Figure 8s!
56. Have consensual relations with Kobe Bryant (#8).
57. Try your damdest to convince your dearest friends to form an octet. Assure them this is not slang for an orgy (even though it is.)
58. Walk up to all the strangers you pass and sing Beatles hit song “8 Days a Week.”
59. Have tantric sex for 8 hours while listening to Sting’s “Field of Gold” on repeat.
60. Fly to Vegas, beeline for a roulette table, and put all of your assets on the “8.” After you lose everything, call your wife and remind her that your house was going to foreclose anyway.
61. Wonder how the number that could mean “Heil Hitler” (88) could also be really good luck in China. Coincidence? Pretty much.
62. Make a shot-for-shot remake of Fellini’s 8 1/2.
63. Talk for 8 straight hours on your iPhone, you privileged son of a bitch.
64. Go to infinity and beyond.
65. Rock out to the live album 88 by Christian Rock Band The 77s.
66. Wear black sox to honor the baseball team featured in the movie Eight Men Out.
67. Climb to the top floor of the world’s tallest twin buildings.
68. Fly to Bengal, and get ৮ tattooed to your body.
69. Ask someone for “hugs and kisses” in morse code.
70. Force yourself to sit through 8 minutes of “8 Simple Rules… for Dating My Teenage Daughter”. (Note: This task is impossible.)
71. Join the cast of Stargate SG-1. Then dial the 8-chevron address and enter a wormhole into another galaxy. (Quite possible.)
72. Clean out all 8 electrons from your valance shell.
73. Stage your own rap battle, a la 8 Mile.
74. Argue with friends that 8 is NOT enough.
75. Put 8 heads in a duffel bag, and try to make one of them the director of 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag.
76. Pack up and move to the town of Eighty Eight, Kentucky. You’ll thank me.
77. Did someone say 8 hour Frasier marathon? He’s listening!
78. Paint only 8 of your toenails. Have the pinkie toes amputated to avoid the draft. Win/win.
79. Something about the Olympics? And China? Details plz.
80. While you’re dining at Burger King, buy some onion rings, and form all of them into little “8s”. Then, eat them and have a good cry.
81. Celebrate your daughter’s 8th birthday. When she cries and insists she’s only 5, hold her by the shoulders firmly, stare her in the eyes, and say “No… you’re 8.” Then, eat a lot of cake.
82. Put pee pee in someone’s coke. Someone’s LUCKY coke.
83. Drink 8 gallons of h8terade.
84. Listen to Elliott Smith’s “Figure 8″ while screaming “WHYYY?” My personal favorite way to celebrate.
85. Write a joke about the Zilog Z80.
86. Spend 8 hours compiling a list of 88 ways to celebrate 8/8/8.
87. Realize that no matter how hard you try, today is not as lucky as August 8, 1988.
88. Get Digged by 88,888 people. (WINK!) (Please?) (No?) (Fine.)
