More than two dozen high school cheerleaders were stuck in an elevator for twenty minutes yesterday on the University of Texas campus. The girls ended up being ok, but I’m now worried that when I start shopping around the script for my elevator-themed Cinemax softcore porn, Going Down, people are gonna think I stole it from this real-life incident and possibly sue. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

First of all, in my script, the girls get stuck for seventy minutes, not twenty minutes. Second, none of the girls in mine are 14 years old; all of the actresses are certifiably eighteen or older, except for a couple of the really hot ones who are seventeen.

To prove my case, here is an excerpt from Going Down (alternatively titled Illicit Deceptions of Desire, or Elevator Boobs):

INT — Elevator on The University of Sexas Campus

[Royalty-free electric guitar music kicks up. Girls proceed to undress one another, exactly one piece of clothing at a time, and make noises indicating that they're aroused and having sex. They proceed to mime lesbian intercourse, including, among other things, touching butts and by grinding on one another, each accompanied by orgasmic noises despite the fact that neither of these softcore-acceptable acts could possibly be resulting in actual arousal. Scene ends with the camera panning to the right and fading along with the music.]

[Royalty-free electric guitar music kicks up, accompanied by synthesized saxophone. VAG undresses DORKUS, who is revealed to have an impossibly muscular barrel chest. VAG then straddles DORKUS' upper abdomen and proceeds to mime intercourse with him. DORKUS proceeds to flip VAG in all sorts of contorted positions, possessing sexual prowess and aggressiveness far beyond that of the dorky character he is supposed to be. Each position strategically blocks his crotch. STARRR, watching nearby, pulls her top down and feels her own boobs slowly, because that's what women do when they're aroused. Scene ends with the camera panning to the right and fading along with the music.]

[Girls are suddenly having sex in a shower and are no longer in the elevator. This goes on for twenty minutes. Credits.]

(link via With Leather)