August
Tuesday
When Bernann McKinney’s beloved pitbull, Booger, died, all she wanted was to get him back. Rather than go the Pet Cemetary route, however, she decided to do something far creepier: get Booger cloned. It worked, and today, she got Booger back. Along with Booger 2, Booger 3, Booger 4, and Booger 5. McKinney is the first customer of a cloning company in Seoul, South Korea. The ethical, sociological, and philosophical repercussions of this event may not be fully understood for years to come: but one thing is certain. Boogers 1-5 are all happy, healthy, and completely oblivious to the fact that their owner is clearly a psycho:
OH BOOOOOOOOGER, TO FEEL YOUR SOFT FUR AGAINST MY SKIN AGAIN…YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S BEEN LIKE WITHOUT YOU.
HAHAHAHA! YOU PUT THAT TONGUE BACK IN, YOU SILLY LITTLE THING…no but seriously. Put it back in. You’re embarrassing me. Hey, Mr. Cloney Man – is there something wrong with Booger 5? Oh. That’s what happens. I see. Uhuh. Sure, sure. Well, they can’t all be winners, can they? BUT I STILL LOVE YOU, BOOGER 5. YES I DO! OH YES I DO! WHO’S THE RETARDED BOOGER? WHO IS HE? Oh yyyyes YOU are! Come here and let mama lick your tongue.
OH….BOOGER 3…YOU SMELL LIKE MY DREAMS.
Okay. So I let you stick a metal tube up my cooter and tell me it’s special “medicine”, then a couple days after that you tell me I’m “pregnant.” A few months later, I’m in labor, giving birth to a littler of animals I don’t recognize. For all I know, Satan is the father. So for the love of all that is holy, can someone tell me what a b*tch has to do to get some motherf*ckin Beggin Strips?
(Article)
