Today is our last day in our current Times Square VH1 Office, as the entire BWE staff will soon be relocating to a sweet new building in the West Village. I’ve been here for three years, and you would not believe how much primo, high quality infantile-pop-culture-blogger SWAG I have accumulated on my desk in that timespan — imagine like ninety Oscar gift bags multiplied by Long John Silver’s buried treasure, doubled.
The following is a list of every item on my desk — some of which will be making the move with me, others which I have tearfully Sophie’s Choiced into the trash — to give you an idea of just how large I am living, like a rapping person in one of those rapping videos:
Making The Move With Me:
Gorilla Hand Puppet — A gift from Michelle from her trip to Florida. It’s also a gorilla head hand puppet, so it’s, like, double making the cut.
Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor Poster — The most artistic thing I’ve done in the past decade, if not my entire life.
Foam Soccer Ball — Nonstop thrills. I am literally David Beckham.
64 Pack of Crayola Crayons — I don’t care how useless the white crayon and the damn sharpener are, this guy’s comin’ with me.
Cat Mask — Still waiting for someone to burst into my office in need of an emergency stand-in for Rum Tum Tugger and valiantly rising to the challenge.
Bee-utiful Headline — Clipping from a New Orleans Hornets game I attended, also the first pro basketball game I’ve ever been to in my life (would you believe? Never went to see the Pittsburgh Xplosion). It’s also a pun, because hornets are like bees.
Hawaiian Tropic Hat — An artifact from the time I met former Giants punter Sean Landeta, and a bunch of dudes cramming pork fat down their throats.
This Thing — Obviously.
Not Making The Cut
King of the Hill barbecue sauce — This was already at my old desk when I first started working here, then when I moved, someone from our building staff moved it for me. Will it turn up at the next building somehow? And does barbecue sauce go bad?
Surprisingly Unfun Wig — I believe this used to belong to Bob Castrone. I’m not having as much fun in this photo as I appear to be having.
Headshot of Gopher From Love Boat — The most recent item on my desk. I freely admit not being old enough to have ever cared about this show, even ironically.
One “Love Die” — I’m missing the other die with body parts on it; you were supposed to roll them both to see which verb you had to do to which body part. With just one, it’s kind of a tease. Also, this is an office.
Unfinished Top Chef Application Form — Decided I’d hold off on Top Chef until 2009, giving me time to learn how to cook / wear hats / love Glad bags.
Our Extensive Beta Collection Of Tony Danza Show Episodes — We used to record them every day for our “Daily Danza” feature, but when he went off the air, we felt bad about just immediately throwing away all the tapes. It’d be like throwing away a birthday card given to you by God himself.
My Computer — For some reason, I could only choose one last item to move and it came down to either keeping my computer or that yellow spiky ice cream cone thing. So, I will not be blogging from now on, but Blagg will routinely video post clips of me playing with yellow ice cream cone thingy daily. I feel like it’ll be a massive improvement.
