Dear U.S. Olympic Women’s Gymnastics Team,

I am proud of you. You are a group of strong, intelligent, artistic women whose thighs could easily kill a man. So what if a group of 4-year-olds beat you? So what if some of you wobbled, stumbled, or fell? There’s a whole hell of a lot that you did and CAN do:

• You still have the ability to do flips in the air and land on a strip of wood that’s no wider than this box of chicken fries I’m eating right now.
• You can hurl your body into the air, do some crazy twists and turns, land on your BROKEN ankle, stick the landing, and still manage to smile like a champion.
• You can run across a giant mat that looks bouncy and fun but sounds (and feels) like it’s made of concrete when you land.
• You can rock a shiny leotard that looks like it was painted onto your body.
• You don’t need to wear a pound of glitter on your face to make yourself look like you’re an adult.

China only beat you by 2.375 points. Most of that gap was a result of China’s impeccable performance on the uneven bars, not because of Alicia Sacramone’s fall off the balance beam. In case you couldn’t hear the announcers, who reminded us of this fact 400 times throughout the event, the girls on the Chinese team were taken away from their parents when they were still toddlers. At least you’ve got family! And you’re hot!

Most of all, you’ve inspired millions. That includes me. Starting today: I am going to train to accomplish something I’ve never done before. I’m going to do a cartwheel. Growing up, I could never manage to do a cartwheel. I’d watch in sadness as my friends would easily flip their bodies around, their arms and legs like the spokes of a beautiful wheel. I’m done with watching from the sidelines. It’s going to be tough (I’m 5′-10″ and my body is held together by a ramshackle system of bones, skin, and very very thin tendons) – but I’m ready for my body to take flight!

I’m dead serious. I will be chronicling my training and attempts on this blog. So thank you, ladies. You’ve given my life new purpose and something for which to strive.