The following story about a wealthy Russian socialite promising two girls to players on the Russian soccer team if they score a goal sounds like spiteful rumor-spreading from a jealous country’s tabloid, but when you’re talking about Europeans and soccer, all normal statutes of decency, plausibility, and sexuality are off:

RUSSIAN Euro 2008 players have been promised two gorgeous GIRLS for each goal they score.

Pyotr Listerman, known for setting up rich Russians with wives, said: “For each goal I’ll present two beautiful chicks. Watch the guys react.”

Andrei, set to star in tonight’s semi-final against Spain, said: “There are a number of bachelors in our team. This is a great incentive.”

This sexual incentive-based system makes sense for a couple reasons:

1) Athletes on the Russian National Soccer team probably have trouble finding women to sleep with in Russia; they have to compete with all those chick-magnet celebrity drillers, diamond miners, Zangief, etc.

2) If the team chokes in the Euro ‘08 semifinal, the players will be publicly disgraced and sent to orphanages, and if they win, they will all literally be elected President. Still, they probably need something to motivate them, such as prearrainged sex with two girls.

(via With Leather)

UPDATE: Russia just got shut out, 3-0. They’ll just have to fend for barely legal groupies on their own.