Dear PETA,

For years, you’ve used many a-scare tactic to try to dissuade me from stuffing my meatwhole with deliciously savory poultries and beefs, baby lambs and porks, crispily seared flanks to the most tartare of patties. You’ve shown me the awful living conditions these animals must suffer through until their ultimately tasty demise, the torture, the pain, that living beings endure in order to compliment the various flavors in my extensive wine collection. And after all these years, my heart breaking, I just can’t seem to pry myself away from these delicacies. In a world as divided as ours, I am decidedly Pro-Tein.

Which is why I’d like to offer you a different tactic which I believe will stop people from eating meat — at least pork — for good: Put the animals in tiny, tiny boots. Example:

This is Cinders, a baby pig whose owners discovered at an early age is afraid of mud. The pig wouldn’t get anywhere near the stuff! Which is why they fitted tiny Cinders with 2 pairs of boots taken from a Paddington Bear doll that fit “like a glove.”

I love meat. But I really don’t think I could bring myself to eat another piece of bacon if I pictured that very strip adorably slopping through a field in tiny, green boots. Use cuteness, PETA. Put the world’s animals in boots. And watch how quickly people toss the beef and enjoy a leaf.

Sincerely,
Michelle Collins

ps: I’m on the verge of making a pilgrimage to England to spy on this little guy in person…