MTV.com has a shocking expose on the amount of American Idol related garbage memorabilia being sold on Ebay. Best Week Ever, in turn, has decided to rank the 10 Stupidest AI Souvenirs in an extremely particular order.
10. Jason Castro Pillowcase. I remember many years ago, during a high school field trip, I was put in the same hotel room with a girl who had a pretty fierce headfull of dreadlocks, replete with various beads and puka shells. The trip was going swimmingly, until early on Sunday morning. My roomie had gone down for breakfast, while I as usual decided to stay in bed a little longer. I opened my eyes, to find that I was staring face to face with one of her dreads, about 12 inches long, laying ever so delicately on her side of the bed, which had clearly fallen off in her sleep. I imagine sleeping on this pillowcase would feel a little something like that.
9. David Archuleta Fan On Board Sticker. Do you want to know what this sticker says to people? It says:
The list continues after the jump.
8. The David Cook Snowglobe. It’s like emo boy dandruff come to life. On second thought, this might be the most thought-provoking piece of the bunch.
7. Jason Castro License Plate Holder. Dear Police — anyone with the above frame on their license is probably very to extremely stoned. And also maybe if not almost for definitely a little stupid, or “free with money.” And deaf. Probably and definitely deaf. Though, to be fair, this is a million times less offensive than the classic “Honk If You Love Fred Durst” bumper sticker.
6. Mrs. David Archuleta T-shirt. I hate to be the one to break it to you… but that’s proooooooobably not going to happen. The whole Mrs. thing… So. Instead, why don’t you opt for a brand spanking new…
5. David Archuleta purse! Ah. (sigh) There. That’s better.
4. David Cook Clock. Hey guys — know what time it is?? Time to sound like a Creed Impersonator!! Sorry, I mean it’s 10:30.
3. Jason Castro earrings. What’s the perfect gift to get Mom this Mother’s Day? Flowers. Buy these earrings for someone you hate, like an estranged family member, or your boss.
2. The Syesha Mercado Magnet. Poor Syesha only has a handful of useless items bearing her image being sold on Ebay right now. And if that wasn’t bad enough, one of them is a magnet where she is forced to share the limelight with the ultimately doomed Chikezie. In fact, it appears that Chikezie has twice as many things for sale as Syesha. This is an abomination. Someone, put her face on a pillowcase or something, I feel terrible.
1. David Archuleta Doll. Pretty much the only thing that redeems this doll is the artist’s “before” rendering, which looks like Archuleta right outta the womb. But it’s almost a certain guarantee that the winner of this auction’s Ebay handle will be something along the lines of ~NAMBLA4VR~. Because that person will likely be sexually attracted to small boys. No wonder they kept the User ID private.
NOT MENTIONED: The Jason Castro Doll. I can think of at least 17 logical reasons to own such a thing. So go ahead, forget that this doll is sans feet, and bid your little hearts out kids. You deserve it.
